RETREAT .

H U M A N I _ _

The lunch staff yelled at me yesterday about skipping dinner rush dish duty. I stayed late finishing them up...

Now, I stand under hot water, watching he steam drift towards the ceiling. I sigh, running my slim fingers through my hair. It tugs through the wet strands.

I'm alone, since it's early at night. ("Morning" technically. But on earth it's evening.) I finish up and dry off my hair. It separates into small parts like normal. With a towel on my waist, I take the time to separate some of them, while cold water drips down my cheek.

I don't notice Gore standing in the doorway until I look at I through the mirror. "You look like shit." He observes, face solemn. "Are you sad about Theo? I'm sure he'll get over it soon." Gore offers, I look down. Refusing the look at myself.

"I'm worried. You know what's wrong with him, don't you? You didn't want me to go see him a few days ago." Gore tenses. "I can't tell you."

He moves off the door frame and walks back to the rooms. I slowly look back up at myself.

Thin. Too thin. In my opinion.. I wish I had more muscle. I notice my roots. They're turning blonde again. My hair is still the same shiny metallic blue from when I dyed it.
My skin got paler since I've been on this ship. There's no sunlight.

I smile, but I'm not happy. My dimples sink in just as they did when I was little. I blink, and stare into my own eyes.

I've always hated them the most. Such ugly mixture of colors. The brown and green look like a swamp, a humid, muddy swamp. The blue in my eyes is like the clear water trying to peek through, you only see it in the light. I turn away, and leave.

Today was a free day, we had one every few weeks. We could do what we wanted, even though there wasn't much. Most people were still asleep.

I slowly walk where my feet take me, and when I look up, I find myself at the infirmary. I sigh, and stare at the button. "Who was Jean Allenia to him, do you think?" Desto asks, standing behind me. He has to turn his head downwards to see me. He was dressed in the same outfit as me. "... I don't know." I say softly.

He slides past me. "Well, by patient order I can't let you in. I'm sorry North. I wish I could." He says, opening the door with a keycard. The button lights up, "booting up..." It announces.

He steps in, "bye, North. Have a good day." He smiles, and the door closes. I stand there a while longer before leaving. The lunch room is buzzing now with people eating breakfast. I join them. Sitting on my own.

Gore, who was previously sitting with a group of technicians moved over to sit by me. He smiles. "You look down in the dumps." He says, smiling at me.
"There are no dumps; this is a spaceship." I deadpan. He rolls his eyes at me.

"Did... You and Theo have "something"?" He asks softly, looking up at me from his bowed head. I blink, eyebrows raised. "No, we didn't." I say softly.

"I liked to believe we could. I haven't known him long, but I feel strongly for him." I admit, blood flows to my cheeks, putting color on my usually pale face. He nods, his features solemn.

"I... See. Good luck." He says hoarsely, leaving with his food. I watch him go as I eat. The day is bland and boring. I stop by the infirmary a few times and call Desto from the door. I check on Theo.. And he's not doing good.

I'm really worried about him, but I have faith he'll be okay.

I haven't seen Gore at all after breakfast... He looked so upset... Was I in the middle of two guys? Surely not. He knows what's wrong with Theo. What is he hiding from me? Is Theo going to die?

I sit at a table in the cafeteria area, it's as cramped as ever. I stare out the porthole airlock. I begin to count the minutes, the exact time on earth. Staring out into the black nothing. We were never going home.