Secrets Are No Fun

Chapter 2

As I sat on the steps sobbing I thought about all the reasons why this could have happened to me. For a split second I blamed everything on me, and I knew it was my fault that she had a boo boo.

Two years before that night, I was in California for my cousin’s wedding. My entire family was sitting in my cousin’s apartment eating dinner. It was nice when we all got together. Since I had a really small family everyone was really close. Things usually became hectic, though, mostly because all the children were little, my cousins had a crazy pet dog and everyone was really excited to see each other. Still, no matter how crazy things became, we always made the best out of our get-togethers. After all, it was these occasions that we would remember for the rest of our lives.

            Well, I definitely would remember that one. I had to.

            I was playing with my cousin Sophie from LA when their housekeeper walked by. She didn’t speak English and I didn’t speak Hungarian, which was what she spoke, so for some odd reason I thought it would be funny to say, “You are so ugly! How could you look at yourself in the mirror every single day?”

            The truth was, Merieca (the housekeeper) wasn’t even ugly. Yes she wore these enormous plastic glasses that magnified her eyes to the size of Earth, but she was cute in that Hungarian kind of way. And it wasn’t my business if she wanted to brush her hair or not.

            I was never one of those snobby kids or one of those kids who looked into the mirror and exclaimed, “I am pretty!” so some other force of nature must have made me say what I had said. It was probably that same force of nature that made the housekeeper miraculously understand English. After that, everything became chaotic- Mom started yelling at me until her face turned completely purple and I started crying so loud the neighbors probably hear me. This is how it went:

Mom: “How could you ever say those words to a person?”

Me: “How could I ever have known that she would understand English? I never heard her say an English word in her life.”

Mom: “It doesn’t matter. That is not how I want you talking to people. Don’t you agree, Dovie?”

Dad: “Yes. You should never say that to anyone!”

Me: “I didn’t know that she would tell on me.”

Mom: “Exactly. How could you even say that to someone?”

Me: “You told me never to lie. How could I get punished for being honest?”

            Well it went on for hours. We yelled in the house. We yelled in the streets back to the hotel where we were staying. We yelled until Mom burst: “You can’t use your computer for two weeks or your phone. And I swear on my life that you will never forget the way you embarrassed me tonight and the way you yelled at me in front of our entire family!”

            I was quiet after that.

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            Mom swore on her life. To me, it meant that if I didn’t remember what I did that night in California, she would die. I know it’s a little crazy to think that Mom’s life was actually in my hands, but I was a little girl then. Give me a break.

But I didn’t forget what had happened in California which meant that I didn’t break Mom’s swear. So I knew that her having a “boo boo” wasn’t actually my fault, but I still cried.

 It was the first time in my life that I really cried. Sure, I had cried because of a low-test grade or because a friend was mean to me. But this time it was different. I cried because I had a real reason to cry. I felt something deep within me. Maybe it was a ball of water, but it was something that needed to get out. I had a gut feeling telling me that this wasn’t just a “boo boo.”  This was serious. This scared me.

I got into bed that night and wrapped myself with my cozy pink blanket pretending that it was Mom hugging me. It wasn’t the same as having her actually there but it made me feel better considering I knew I wasn’t going to sleep much. First off, my pillow kept getting way too wet from my tears and secondly, I kept getting frustrated at the thought that my eyes would be really puffy the next morning. I also couldn’t stop thinking about what was going to happen with Mom and why she still wasn’t home yet.