59. Where Wanted

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It was nice to visit Mom after such a long time. I felt bad for not seeing her that often, but it was never easy to go there. I hoped she understood that. Talking to a headstone, not being able to see her, or hear her voice, or touch her, was just awful. Having Luke there to accompany me had made it easier.

I stole a glimpse of him. We were walking with Bella around his neighborhood, and neither of us had spoken much. We had just finished dinner, and it was getting late, but I didn't feel tired at all. I had been thinking about Mom the entire evening after we left the cemetery, and I wondered if she would have approved of me dating Luke. As a person, definitely, because Luke was a good guy, but what about the fact that he was a guy?

Even I still had moments when I asked myself what I was doing? I looked at Luke again, and for a second, I saw him only as a friend. Then, he turned to look at me, and gave me a small, crooked smile. He then quickly turned his eyes to the ground, looking shy, but his smile grew a little bit wider. There was no friendship in the way he looked at me, or in the way he made me feel every time he smiled at me.

I got closer to him and nudged his side with my elbow. He looked at me from the corner of his eyes and nudged me back. That continued for a short moment until Luke wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a quick hug.

"Stop harassing me," he grunted, but he was still smiling.

He let go of me, which was a mistake. We continued walking, and the second Luke turned his attention away from me, I slipped my fairly cold fingers under his clothes and pressed them against his lower back. He let out an interesting yelp, jumping forward, making Bella go nuts. He turned to look at me with squinted eyes while Bella was jumping against him, barking and whining like asking what was wrong.

"Ohh, you're so going to regret that," Luke said with an evil chuckle.

"But my fingers are cold," I said, using puppy eyes on him.

Luke started laughing, and pushed Bella away while I stepped closer to him, waiting until he was looking back at me. When he did, I locked my eyes with his, placing my hands on his waist, just under the hem of his jacket. His smile faded slowly when I pressed myself against him, slowly sliding my hands under his clothes. He hissed and tensed up when my cold fingers moved across his hot skin on his stomach. I could feel his abs trembling when he tried to pull away without actually moving away from me and my cold touch.

I had done that only to tease him. I had expected him to move away and laugh and tell me I was a dead man, but he didn't move, and I didn't move, and instead of just goofing around, we were having a moment. For some reason, I hadn't even thought about that outcome. I was still so used to having him as a friend that I had really believed he would push me away.

It was then, when I realized most of the pranks and the ways I usually annoyed Max and my other friends were practically considered as foreplay with Luke. That led me to another realization. There was a possibility I was gayer than I'd thought. Of course, the fact that I still was caressing his stomach had nothing to do with that. Absolutely nothing.

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