broken glass

cycle

tw // ed + body dysmorphia

Nine years old. An innocent child, someone who hasn't lived long enough to the cruelties of the world.

"You eat so much," the nine year old girl looked at them confused as to why they felt the need to say that to her.

What they didn't know was that because of that little comment it changed her entirely.

She was only a child when she first stared at herself in the mirror and immediately cried because she hated the way she looked.

Her clothes didn't look right anymore and she was very confused why her body looked different from time to time

Sometimes she looked at herself and saw a fat girl in front of her, and the next she'll see someone who's so skinny where it isn't flattering and on good days she likes what the mirror reflects.

She didn't understand why that happened until she turned thirteen.

When you're thirteen everyone suddenly becomes harsh

They will comment on the way you look even though you didn't ask for their opinion

People's bodies are changing because of puberty, and you hate yourself even more

It became worst when the thirteen year old's mom bought a scale. She weighed herself every single day to the point that it became unhealthy.

Voices in her head started screaming at her to check her weight and that will verify what day she's going to have.

If the scale shows she got lighter she'll be able to eat lunch

But if the scale showed otherwise, she's not allowed to eat for three days

it became so worst that her biggest achievement was when she reached her lowest weight and that her school uniforms starts to get big on her

No one seemed to notice what was going on, in fact, they were praising her.

They told her she looked amazing and that she should keep it up

She took it as a compliment while ignoring her body screaming for food in her body

She would always go to school with a headache present but that's nothing since you could just drink some medicine to feel better right?

Who cares if your hair sheds so much? People shed hair every single day. That's totally normal!

This thing would go on and on for years on end.

It's a viscous cycle. A never ending one.

She's now seventeen and nothing hasn't changed. She just became aware but who cares! People compliment her the way her body looks and that's the point of this

Who cares if you pass out every once in a while, other people pass out too that's completely normal

Who cares if you can't do the activities you used to love. There are just some things that worth sacrificing

As what they say, "no one will love you if you're unattractive."

***

if you finished reading this i'm not promoting eating disorders especially since they're very serious. this was just my experience and my journey. this was what i felt during those times and i'm not romanticizing it in any way shape or form this is just my outlet of letting it out :)

-b <3