The abandoned girl

seven

*evelyn*
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be raised with my brothers. Would I be more comfortable around them? Would I be open? Would I even relax and know they won't leave me? Would I stop being so anxious and an over thinker??

I understand why they were scared but it wasn't right for them to send me away. It's a coward move on their part. I deserved to be raised just like my brothers did, with both parents present. But instead I got raised with Nona and Papa.

It's just messed up.

To abandon your child at the mere age of three because you got bomb threats sent to you is not only scary but it's hurtful especially for a three year old little girl who used to believe family meant everything. But over the years I learned that just being you share the same blood, doesn't mean you're family.

Family does not leave you when you need them the most, they stay with you through thick and thin. But did my parents and brothers do that? No, no they didn't. I cant necessarily blame my brothers as they were all minors when this happened but they could have done more to reach out to me instead of waiting until our grandparents deaths.

It's now hard for me to trust people... I never know when someone is going to break their promises or leave me. I try not to rely on people or get too attached just in case this happens. But I try to keep my walls up nevertheless.

Rude.

Cocky.

Shy.

Sarcasm.

I act like all of this due to trauma. My parents leaving me isn't the only thing that left me well—broken. Many things have happened over thirteen years that I don't want to relive over and over and over again. I just want to move on, not worry about anything and just-live.

But not everything goes to plan, does it?

My papa used to tell me, "non innamorarti, nipote.. Non vale la pena lo strazio che verrà. L'amore fa male.(don't fall in love, granddaughter. It's not worth the heartbreak that's bound to come. Love hurts.)" I will listen and follow these words until I can no longer breathe.

My nona however was my rock. "Tieni alto il mento, tesoro. Sii fiducioso in te stesso, sei bello e non dimenticarlo mai.(Keep your chin up, sweetheart. Be confident in youself, you are beautiful and never forget it.)" She used to tell me that everyday before I left the house.

I now understand everything my grandparents have done for me. They've bended backwards just to raise me to who I am today. It just makes me more grateful and appreciative. I mean, who would want to raise a broken toddler? My grandparents dropped literally everything just to do so.

I would do everything, just anything to be with them or see them just one last time. To say goodbye.. I deserve that much, don't I? I've been nothing but good and I haven't done anything to deserve this.

But like I said before, my life is no fairy tale. I never got a happily ever after. Honestly I've just came to expect everything that got thrown my way, despite the pain, the heartbreak, the anger and the anxiety.

I now know not everyones life is perfect behind closed doors.

Because that has became my life. My life looks perfect from the outside but once you get a peek from the inside you would want to run away, hide, anything to just-escape.

—
A/N: this is just kind of Evelyn's feelings or a filler chapter for now. Just something to post, I apologize for not posting lately and for a short chapter. I promise it's gonna get better. Just please bare with me because I'm having troubles at home right now. Again, I'm sorry.

-zoey