If I should die, let it be known that I didn't live to my fullest potential
That I was never satisfied and if I should die... hope for me was catastrophic
And happiness a mere idea
I want to believe in the streets of gold and the warm hug of God but I was only ever taught his discipline, only ever felt his anger
Never really saw his plan and lead his path.
Hurt and unrest, familiar even after a good night's sleep. My heart felt uneasy.
My body - uncomfortable in this world. Amongst, this mankind.
Unfathomable
Unfaithful
Dreams of what was intangible
But I saw my birds
My three little birds except they weren't at my doorstep
They were above me
On thé lining of my roof
Spaced equally
Sent to scare me
Make me doublethink
See past their beauty or their song I couldn't hear
I felt the grim reaper
Sitting within me
Heavy on my chest
Breathing beneath my mask
Praying for my downfall
Wishing on my death
Steps accounted for and words unheard
World unexplored
A woman's body is all I've ever known and barely at all
A man's body is all I've ever feared
Mostly and for all
I felt the itch beneath my cheap stitches
And I understood
I don't know if I'm coming back
I don't know if I have a choice
If I've ever had a choice
18 years have gone by and I don't understand life
Queer
Fear
Beer
Cheers and goodbye
Peer and no friends visit my burial site
I lived, laughed, loved, most importantly I tried
To cultivate your happiness
Explore the meaning of the good life
But I failed
Because money, riches, and abundance were more about favour
Languages I couldn't hear
And bodies I couldn't touch
Spirits I refused to see
I couldn't be guided, and I stung so I died like a bee
I couldn't fight but I never cut
I couldn't match life because he didn't bring a gun to a knife fight... he brought all thé ideas that I could only wish for
True love turned out to be fake
True peace doesn't exist
Happiness is mere Christianity is a glass case except the glass can't be broken
And writing
That hurt the most because it doesn't heal as I supposed
It lacks meaning to my foes
Never expressed my thoughts, never enough words
My writing was never exposed to gold
It was just words strung together, it didn't keep me alive after death.
In this fight with life, just know I tried my fucking best.
