I climb the ladder without a care in the world about where I shall land
I get to the top of the mountain, and my stomach is the first part of my body to put up a fight
it rumbles and turns viciously... whatever sustenance it preserves threatens to unleash
my legs follow suit, wobbling and refusing to take any more steps
acting as if it has a life and mind of his own, my knees act as if they don't exist
Stability is unnerving
life is not viable
my hands travel up and down my body trying to find its owner
as if to say "what can I do"
how can I offer my support
tender, touch, timid
they resend back to their sides as if that is their home
that's where they belong
my brain attempts to think as my throat closes in
clawing, scratching, begging to breath
my lungs have given up
no collapse to be expected
they predicted this failure months in advance
there is a weird sensation and understanding that my body has
each part understand every other
they take a chance on inference and intertwine
with indifference
Take my heart for instance
she has a mind of her own, walking into a room
beating her own drum- she... she has African roots
and understands an essential part of my being is my hair
gentle, tender, hurtful - roots
to its end, intertwined with coils, fear and death
its pain reminds everyone of its island tide
and Jamaican cry, which is really why each time a comb, or foreign hands and eyes meet with it
it trembles to incite real sacred tears that travel from my cornea to my chin
leading to my waist that sits on my hips and whines like gin
alcohol falling off my lips, my sexuality- the taste of Heineken
or whatever floats your boat, toots your horn, open my legs and give you the win
tremble, humble, hymn
my voice, sweet like honey and coarse like a lions roar
but it's over
Help means nothing when it doesn't come out because my throat predicted its galore
and its need to be heard
alarm, armour, bore
lastly my brain
no one seems to really want to know what it consists of
unless I pay them
with my money that doesn't really belong to me
or my body that has never really felt like it belonged to be
but it has so much and nothing at all
I remember bits, pieces, and parts of the happiness and pain
and it forgets everything making us both insane
what do I gain
favour, love, pain, and rain
for when it rains maybe the mountain will continue to be unsafe
my body remembers and we travel back down the mountain
returning to its favour
until next time, my friend.
