Only Human. KTH ff

No

I walked into Kate's office, she smiled at me and motioned for me to sit down while she finished her phone call. Once she hung up I cleared my throat

"We need to talk"

"Okay, what's up?" She went through her mountain of paperwork 

"I fucked someone last night"

"Okay" she shrugged "and?"

"Doesn't that bother you?"

"No" she shook her head "we fuck Tae, it's not like we're in a relationship"

"Have you fucked anyone else?"

"No, but I don't feel like I need to. If you do, then that's fine"

I sighed and rubbed my temples "how crazy would you think I am if I said I have feelings for you?" 

"Out of your Goddamn mind crazy" she straightened up and stared at me "I'm getting married. Two months from now according to my father. Even if you have feelings for me there's nothing I can do about that" 

"Do you have feelings for me?" 

"I'm getting married Taehyung"

"That doesn't answer my question. And I know for a fact you don't want to marry Yoongi"

"So? I can't change that fact"

"Answer my question"

"Yes, Taehyung. And just what are we supposed to do about it?" Her green eyes were glassy, she was trying to stop herself from crying 

"I don't know" I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes "Honestly? I don't give a fuck if you marry Yoongi or not. Be mine anyway" 

"It doesn't work that way"

"It could. If you love me as much as I love you, then who you live with doesn't matter"

"Live with, sleep next to, sleep with, have his children, all of the things that I want to do with you..I'd have to do with him" she wiped her eyes 

"I'd hate it. But if it's what I have to endure to be with you then so fucking be it" 

"No"

"No? You don't want to try?"

"I can't. Meeting up for sex or hanging out is different. I can say we're friends, but to be in a relationship with you..if my father finds out. Tae, I can't risk it" 

"Fine" I nodded and stood up "this is done then" 

"Tae, wait"

"No. Go have fun with your fiancé"

I walked out of her office and went to mine and Jin's office "I'm leaving for the day"

"Oh, are you okay? We still need to-"

"I'm sick, I'm leaving" I grabbed my bag and left the company to head home. 

I changed into a pair of sweats and started to boil water for tea and started to pull out ingredients to make lunch, I texted Jimin to call me so when my phone rang I answered 

"Hey"

"What's wrong?"

"I fucked up"

"Okay" he snorted "and?"

"Min.. you were right. It pains me to say that, but you were right. And because I don't want to be a pussy I told her. She said she feels the same"

"That's a good thing! I fucking knew it!"

"She said she won't risk it to be with me so I told her it was over"

"She's engaged Tae. I don't know what you expected of her"

"I just thought.. maybe if she loved me enough we could be together. Yoongi won't give a fuck, he doesn't love her. But she's worried her father will find out" 

"I'm sorry Tae. I don't know what to say"

"Nothing you can say" I shrugged "she's getting married in two months. I can't stop that even if I wanted to" 

"I'm sorry. I really am, I know it's been a long time since you've felt this way. And now that you've opened up and been rejected I'm scared you'll close yourself off again"

"I'll try not to, but my chest hurts. It feels..it feels worse than a break up Min. I really truly do love her. It's been almost a year, how could I not? I thought I was stronger than this"

"Being in love doesn't make you weak Tae" 

"Feels like it" I mumbled as I poured the water into my mug over my teabags 

"I have to get back to work. I love you, I'm here for you okay?"

"I know. Love you too Min" 

I sat down with my tea and my sandwich but instead of eating I ended up just staring at the table. By the time I stopped zoning out and caught myself with my mouth wide open, my tea was ice cold. I yelled out of frustration and swiped my arm across the table throwing everything off of it. My mug hit the cabinet, spilling tea everywhere and shattering into pieces. My sandwich was separated all over the floor and my plate was in pieces, a small piece of the ceramic had punctured my foot and I hissed as I pulled my hair tight in my hands. 

I knew better. 

No, I know better. 

I should've kept her at an arm's length. I should've told her no the very first time she asked to stay, I should've told her no when she wanted to see me without sex involved, I should've never bought her flowers, I should've never allowed myself to feel anything other than sex no matter how beautiful she looked when she smiled or laughed. Or how tight my heart pinched at itself when she cried. 

Now I'm fucked. 

We're both fucked. 

We're both in too deep and she's still going to marry Yoongi. 

I jumped when there was a knock on my door, I huffed as I stood up, but when I opened it she was standing there with tears falling down her cheeks

"I love you" she said instead of a greeting and I felt my entire body turn to mush as my heart sank to my feet, I pulled her into the house and crashed my lips to hers violently and picked her up by her thighs, she wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist as I carried her to the bedroom. 

I don't drink my problems away, but I sure as hell try to fuck them away.