Short Stories

8.) Brotherly Love

8.) Brotherly Love

I knew it was wrong. I knew I was disgusting. I knew... there was something... something seriously wrong with me. And I... couldn't stop it. I couldn't control it. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't just... make it disappear.

By the time I'd accepted it... I tried to look for others support. I tried to see if it was... okay. I didn't want to go to Hell. I didn't want to be sinful. The one person I asked about it, she was disgusted at the very thought of it, and from then on... I knew it was bad.

When I first discovered my... feelings, it was 11 years ago. It was so embarrassing, it was so embarrassing trying to explain myself, or why I reacted like that. I didn't even know, I just didn't understand...

With the way he'd walk. The way he'd smile. The way he'd laugh. The way he'd... anything. Anything he did just... But none of it made sense then. Then again, nothing really makes sense when you're a kid. But I'm nearly an adult now.

I understand now. I understand the truth.

As I sit here before my laptop, I know what I must do. I know it's the right thing, because everything inside me is so wrong.

I can hear the quiet ringer as the call goes, but I can still smile to myself and know that it'll all be alright soon. I will fix myself.

When his face appears on the screen, I let myself relax while I smile at him.

"Hey, Caesar. What's up?" I see him smile on the screen and I let out a shaky sigh. I'm going to miss him.

"Hi, Aidan. I just called to say... goodbye." I say and look down at the desk before looking back up at his face on the screen. I see his smile falter slightly while he blinks in confusion.

"What... What do you mean 'goodbye'? Are you... going somewhere?"

I wish it was face to face, so I could see every detail in his beautiful skin. But at the same time, I'm glad it isn't. It makes things much easier for me, and it'll make it easier for him too.

"I'm sorry, Aidan. I'm sorry for... everything."

As I gulp again, I can't control the salty liquid from rolling down my cheeks, and I notice that Aidan frowns. I wonder if he already knows. I wonder if he's found out already. I just hope he can forgive me.

"... Caesar, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asks me and sits forward in his seat, his eyebrows furrowed in deep concern for me. He doesn't have to fear for me. Everything will be fine.

I wipe my face off and sniffle, closing my eyes and exhaling to calm down. I knew it would be hard, once I get through it... it won't be so hard.

"I love you, Aidan." I mumble and look back up at the screen.

"Yeah, I love you too. What's going on?" He leans on his elbows and covers his mouth with his hands, and I can see the way his eyes nervously glance at the door.

"I... I'm sorry for being like this. I never meant to. I never meant to look at you like that..."

I close my eyes again and take a deep breath, but the weight on my chest only makes it hurt more. "I've tried so hard to stop being like this, Aidan. I'm sorry I'm tainted. I'm sorry I have... disgusting thoughts. I'm sorry I'm a disgrace. I've tried therapy. I've tried ignoring it. But I've finally found the solution."

"Caesar. Tell me what's going on." He says and I can see the way his chest is slightly rising in panicked breaths. Is it me that's scaring him? Are my devilish thoughts... bringing him fear?