Intoxicated

Critiquing my happiness

Amber Lin, 24 with a Phd in clinical Psychology. Standing at 5ft 7 inches with very solid thighs. Amber sat in her office reading her file on her next patient, Joshua Moores. 
"Wow he sounds like he's been through a lot." She turned to the Photo on the wall and giggled, "I remember when I as an existential crisis". Her shoulder length straight black hair was pulled into a messy low bun at the back of her head and  her complexion was so light she was literally glowing in her office. She took off her glasses to go sit next to freshly grounded coffee. "How relaxing Bunny, I miss you so very much." She said as she laid back in her couch until her client arrived. 

***

"How are you feeling Josh?" Amber said looking up from her notepad to stare into his eyes. 

"How did I end up here? I am not the one to do therapy. I am quite frankly shock that my mother paid for this." Josh scoffed. 

"Josh your mother cares for you deeply and I am sure she just wants you to be alright. Lets start easy Josh. How do you feel right right now?" she continued.

In his long sweat pants and a plain grey shirt, Josh just sat there facing Amber Lin. His memory of everyone became a day dream as he stared into the light of day peeping through the curtains.

Thinking back on the past. Josh felt overwhelmed. He held their deaths on his head and all the pain and regrets fill that well in his chest. Always confused and grasping for air from the panics. He knew his mother could see it but didn't think she would act on it.  

Did she find my letter. I threw it away so its impossible. Its funny how appealing death sounds to me. Its appealing how much happier I would feel if I came out of this drama. I want to close my eyes under water and feel enclosed by the cold water compressing and filling me. If I could start again, I would but that's all irrelevant.  

"I feel confused, to why I am here, I showed no sighs , I gave no indication that I needed someone to talk to, I don't need my mothers money wasted here."  Josh said as he got up in rising passion. 

"I can see you are burning on the inside some sort of burden but if this helps she paid for one session. The rest are on the clinic. Josh I am here if you ever feel like you need to talk." she said as she rose from her seat and walked over to him. Watching her standing at 5 feet 7 inches, and just being 3 inches away from his body made his chest tight. 

"I don't..." his sentence was cut short with sudden embrace he felt from her. It wasn't sexual, it was just warm and it felt s safe. 

"This is out of my code but I can see that you were in need of a hug Josh." Dr. lin said.

Josh slowly broke away from her embrace, "Thank you, but I am not the expressive type. I am sorry I wasted you time." 

He started walking towards the door. He felt like time slowed down as he looked around the room.
Josh saw her desk with a cute little label that read Dr. Lin PHD clinical psychologist. He saw a photo with her and another stunning woman and under photo on the wall was the name of the Clinic, Calmante. 

"I wanted a soothing aroma, something that would just naturally make your body relaxed and I thought what does a better job than a library and the smell of freshly grounded coffee. I can see it doesn't appeal to everyone. " Dr. lin said as she made her way to the desk. 

" Before you go Josh, have this pen and book, I want you to write how you feel in this journal in the morning and in the night or just whenever you feel overwhelmed and date it. When you do this its like you are preserving your feeling that moment." she said.

When Josh walked over to collect the journal he made eye contact with Dr. Lin. "I do hope to see you again Josh." she said smiling ever so sweetly. 

" Thank you..." he said and took his leave from her office.

***

At the mall

Josh sat there at the mall and decided to open the journal. What he saw written on the first page made me him feel like he'll never be free. Is this the price for my greed? 

"Critique your happiness, Pass judgement on yourself. Are you deserving of happiness?" He shut the journal so quickly. He thought he was having an anxiety attack. 

"Why would she give this to me? Maybe its coincidental but she did make me feel safe, maybe I should give her chance." he thought. 

I feel like I am going insane. I am craving some sense of security. 
I will just focus on the upcoming exams and just get that over with then I'll deal with the fact that Stella has a brother and that I am the reason so many has died. 

I need some sort of order in my life. 

"Hi? Can I sit with you ?" a bubbly voice said. Her curly hair in the cutest pixie cut just made her stand out.

" No, umm you can sit." he said.

" Great, Umm would you like a Boba without the Boba?" She asked. 
"Sure, why not..." 

" I was stood up so I was like why not vent to a stranger, a cute one at that." she said with giggle.

" I am Mars and you are?" 

"Josh, Joshua Moores." 

***

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Hope you liked this simple chapter...