BEAT

Chapter Two

"M-mom," I uttered. I felt my tears roll down my cheeks. She looked at me without any emotions. "Mom, you're kidding right?" I smiled trying to find hope. Hoping that she doesn't hate me so much that she wants me to die.

"No, Amethyst. I'm dead serious. Your sister needs to live and we can't find a heart for her. You are our only option and your heart is the perfect match for her. She can't die. I can't just let her die. She deserves to live," Lalo akong napaluha sa sinabi niya. I was just staring at her. Begging for sympathy. For love. I want to see and feel that she cares for me but there's nothing.

"And I don't? S-She deserves to live and I don't, Mom? Is that it?" I cried harder when she looked at me. She was looking at me like I was nothing.

"Stop being dramatic. I'll give you a month to decide for yourself. A month and after that you'll give your heart whether you like it or not. A heart in exchange for everything you want. Money, luxuries, expensive vacations. Just tell me what you need. I'll give everything. Just give your heart to your sister. She needs it more than you do," Napabagsak na ako nang marinig ang sinabi niya. Para itong espadang bumulusok at malalim na tumarak sa puso ko. Her words are breaking me into pieces.

"E-everything I need? M-Mom, I need you. I need your love. I need my heart. I want to live," I kneeled. I hate begging but I am begging for my life right now not caring about the people staring at me.

"Amethyst, hindi na magbabago ang desisyon ko. You love your sister, right? And besides, it's your fault. Kasalanan mo kung bakit siya nandito ngayon. Kasalanan mo kung bakit siya nag-a-agaw buhay," She looked at me without any traces of emotions. I clung to her legs. I hug her as tight as I can. 

"Get off me, Amethyst. Stop acting like a baby," Gustuhin ko pa mang yakapin siya ay nawalan na ako ng lakas. I just kept crying and crying.

"Fine," I said when she was about to leave. I wiped my tears as I stood up and face her. "I'm giving my heart in one condition," She raised her brows. I looked at her. The way she look at me did not change. She was still staring at nothing.

"C-can you please hug me like I-I'm your daughter? Just one hug, Mom. P-please," Muli na namang bumuhos ang luha ko. She scoffed irritated, but I smiled when she walked towards me and embraced me.

I cried even harder, but this time, I was happy. I was longing for this. I need my Mom. I need her hug. I cried even more when she started to caressed my back. It felt like heaven.

Napahawak ako sa ulo ko nang maramdamang kumirot ito. Dahan-dahan akong bumangon habang nakapikit pa rin ang mata. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit sobrang sakit ng ulo ko. Kinapa ko ang bulsa ko para sana hanapin ang cellphone ko ngunit hindi ko ito naramdaman sa bulsa ko. Isang maliit na parisukat na bagay lamang ang nakita ko. Ang card na binigay ni Mommy. Muling kumirot ang dibdib ko.

"She detest me that much?" I sighed while looking across the window.

Where are the stars? Bakit ang dilim ng kalangitan ngayon? Nakikisimpatya ba sila sa akin?

I smiled sadly. Do I really deserve to die?

"Gising ka na pala," Napapitlag ako nang biglang bumukas ang ilaw. Inilibot ko ang paningin ko sa silid at nang makitang hindi ito pamilyar ay nataranta ako.

"Where am I!?" Saka ko lamang nilingon ang taong nagbukas ng ilaw. Nakangiti ito habang nakatingin sa akin.

"You passed out kaya dinala muna kita dito sa kwarto ko para makapagpahinga. Lasing na lasing ka kasi nang kinakalampag mo ang gate at pinagpipilitang bahay mo 'to," Nakangiting sabi nito. Bigla namang namula ang pisngi ko. He laughed louder. Matalim ko siyang tiningnan. He was wearing a beanie again. Gabing gabi ha?

"Did I really did that?" He just nodded. Kumain lang ako ng kumain. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero kumakalam ang sikmura ko habang si Achlys naman at ang nanay niya ay nakatingin lang sa'kin habang nakangiti.

"Dahan-dahan lang, baka mabulunan ka," Bakas ang pag-aalala sa boses ng Ina ni Achlys. Sana ganito rin si Mommy.

"Thank you po talaga at sorry sa abala," Ngumiti lamang ito sa akin. Kumuha naman ng tubig si Achlys at inabot sa akin. Mabilis kong nilagok iyon.

"Nakuwento ka na sa akin ni Achlys. Nong nalaman kong kilala ka naman niya, pinatuloy ka na namin. Hindi ka naman nakakaabala. Sa totoo lang ay natutuwa kami lalo na kanina," Nakangiting sabi nito. Pinipilit kong alalahanin 'yong mga ginawa ko kanina pero hindi ko talaga maalala. Hindi dapat ako naglalasing dahil kung ano-anong kalokohan ang nagagawa ko 'pag lasing.

"Do you want to stay here?" Napamulat ako sa tanong ni Achlys. He chuckled. Nakakatawa ba talaga ang hitsura ko?

"Can I?" Wala sa sariling tanong ko. Mabilis naman siyang tumango ng paulit-ulit na ikinatawa ko. "I'd love to. But I can't stay here," Dugtong ko na ikinawala ng ngiti niya. I can't be selfish. My sister needs me.

"Okay, pero dito ka na magpalipas ng gabi, Hija. Delikado na sa labas," I just smiled.

"Ako na nga, Ma! Ako na maghuhugas, kaya ko na 'to. Promise!" Napangiti na lang ako habang pinapanood ang mag-ina.

Ang saya nila at talagang magkasundo sila. Kanina pa sila nagkukulitan kahit ngayong naghuhugas na ng plato. Malungkot akong napangiti. I know from this very moment, I envy Achlys. He's lucky he has a Mom like Tita Ling. She's kind, thoughtful, caring, everything that a Mom can be. I can see that he really loves her son the way she worried when one of the plates broke. She even shoo us away para raw walang makatapak sa bubog sa amin ni Achlys.

"Is something bothering you?" Achlys asked out of nowhere. I let out a heavy sigh.

"You're right. Death is inevitable," I chuckled. He looked at me with his worried eyes again.

"You can always talk to me. 'Wag mong hayaang maipon 'yan kasi baka sumabog ka," Natatawang sabi nito. Those words. I think I heard it before.

"Achlys, have you gone to any hospitals last night?" Nag-isip siya sandali na para bang inaalala ang mga nangyari at bahagya siyang umiling.

"Nope. Nag-movie marathon kami ni Mama nong isang gabi," He said. Ngumiti nalang ako. Hindi siguro siya 'yon.

Kung hindi siya, sino? Gagawin pa ata akong manghuhula ng lalaking 'yon e.

"Gusto mo na bang matulog? Dito ka nalang sa kama. Sa sofa na ako matutulog," He stated.

"Okay lang ba? Pero okay lang din kung ako na ang matutulog sa sofa," Suhestisyon ko. Umiling naman siya.

"No. Diyan ka na sa kama," May awtoridad niyang sabi. Tumango na lamang ako. Ayokong makipagtalo.

Malungkot akong napangiti nang inihatid na ako ni Achlys palabas. Spending my night with them was the happiest. I was longing to have a family and they gave it to me, kahit isang gabi lang. I need a Mom and Achlys' Mom was more than that. She even agreed for me to call her, "Mama". I smiled because of my thoughts.

"'Yan. You finally smiled genuinely," Nawala ang ngiti ko at napalitan ito ng pag-init ng pisngi ko. He chuckled, I just chuckled too.

"Thank you, Ach. For everything," He smiled and shook his head.

"Pwede kang bumalik dito anytime. When you need someone to lean on, I'm here. We're here. You're not alone," I smiled and fought the urge to hug him and cry.

"Ingat pauwi, Anak!" Hindi ko na napigilan ang luha ko. That was the best thing I'd ever heard in my whole fucked up life.