The Forbidden Romance

Chapter 4: Now it's A Mental Hospital

So I woke up the next day and I was confused for about a good 30 seconds before I remember the past couple of days that led up to me being put on psychiatric hold so yeah. Once I removed the covers to get up and brush my teeth and use the restroom I realized just how damn cold it was in this place. I mean I had to wait to talk to my doctor before I could go to the cafeteria with everyone else, and that was only for breakfast. When lunch time came around though I was finally able to go to the cafeteria but while I couldn't go for breakfast I got into reading the wonderful books they had there and all. So I had asked the random person I had to sit with at lunch, * is this how it normally is in the cafeteria it's not how I imagined but it's nice.* They didn't say anything but it was worth a try to start a conversation with someone. So from what I've heard and experienced myself I'm able to get food here read books talk to doctors and therapists and get help and I'm also able to sleep and shower and we sometimes play fun games. Someone said ' you have to talk.' and I said * well what if I'm not ready to talk and maybe I just don't wanna talk in general. * Then they said ' well that's just to bad cuz the more you don't talk the more there gonna think something is really wrong with you or they might think there's nothing wrong with you at all.' Damn that sounds like shit there is something wrong with me so basically I have to talk if I want help jeez. That's such a hasle, and besides I wouldn't mind staying here longer I thought. I was then thinking, maybe if all these girls went through something similar I can possibly talk to them and get answers to some old questions. But before I could we went to group for the day and we'll me you know I just sat in my quiet corner. And after out activity of us asking questions to get to know each other a doctor came in. She had walked in introduced herself and then started asking us questions off a worksheet she gave us and I had a lot to say so I had quit a few complicated questions. She helped answer them as well as she could and it was helpful but someone laughed at one of my questions and I had started having an anxiety attack cuz of it. Then as others asked questions she always went back to my questions to help explain and what not I guess. I kinda felt like shit after someone laughed at me when I asked one of my question so I just decided I won't ask anymore questions there all stupid anyways. I mean I am just a worthless piece of shit to everyone no matter where I go so no point dwelling on pointless things. We were sent to our rooms after that for what they called reflection so we could reflect on why we're here or we can take a nap and even read a book or maybe write one like I decided to do later on. I mean once our reflection time was up they called us and we went to the big dayroom and we were talking and watching grey's anatomy on the TV until they called us to line up for dinner. I mean once we got to the cafeteria I had gotten dinner and just poked and shoved it around for a short while then I finally ate it right before we had to leave back to the big dayroom before we all took our nighttime medicine then had expressive therapy before bedtime and all. We were all talking and laughing in the day room I was coloring on the table and got into trouble for it but oh well to bad so sad to late. Then we were called to group which happens in an old unused office in that building and we talked and answered questions and even vented about anything with the nurses there. I mean I would talk but after being laughed at my first day in group I figured I'ma just do here what I do at home, I'm gonna just listen before I speak and say what I think they wanna hear instead of what I really wanted to say. I tried to look happy and like I was fine even though I felt like I was dying inside and it hurt so bad. While everyone else was talking I was reading this book they gave me called What Happened To Goodbye, and well I really love it it's an amazing book and I feel like it might actually be helpful to me. When I got bored with my book I looked around the room and saw another kid that was sitting alone in a corner so I walked up to her and said * hey I'm may what's your name?* Then they said ' I'm Michael I'm trans I go by he/they, nice to meet you may.' we became friends after talking for the rest of group, I mean he thought we were friends but you see I have trust issues now because of what axel did to me, so I'm just pretending I mean I kinda trust michael but not enough. And yeah I do feel kinda bad for pretending to be happy and ok around him but I'm scared of how he'll react to finding out and meeting the real me who's broken beyond repair. Michael had suggested that I write a story and so at bedtime I had started to write my first story and I've already written a few pages but I think it might be late sense I don't know what time it is so yeah. I mean I think my books good but it's my first one so we'll see won't we when other people read it. Now won't we haha.