Nervous

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C H A P T E R     F O R T Y   F I V E

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C H A P T E R F O R T Y F I V E

I never did well with periods.

I'm like an old cat who feels weak and vulnerable so disappears somewhere to wither and die alone.

Except nobody in this fucking house ever leaves me alone and my womb is shredding into tiny pieces and my hormones are making me psycho and I want to scream and cry and eat and cry and die and cry.

"Security system has been updated ma'am." I buried my head under my duvet trying to shut him out. "Are you okay?"

"Fuck off." I kicked Brussel out of my bedroom. "I'm dying leave me alone and close the door." He sighed but left without argument.

I could take a bullet with ease but could I fuck handle my period. God, I was pathetic.

"Ma'am?"

"What?" I groaned.

"I have the paper from the shipment. I need you sign off on it."

I waved him over to my bed reluctantly and he handed me a pen. I glanced down the sheet, checking all the barcodes and weights were the same. Observing the correct pick ups and drop offs and the men I enlisted for the job. Then I placed my pen to the paper and started to sign.

But the pen didn't work.

"The pen doesn't work." I told Theodore. I scribbled a little, no ink. Suddenly I felt myself clog with negative emotion and I burst into tears.

"Ma'am?" Theodore asked skeptically.

"The pen doesn't work." I sniffled, crying like my whole life had fallen apart.

"It's just a pen ma'am, we can get a new one."

I grabbed my 99 fusion blu out from under my pillow and pointed it at him.

"NO  UTERUS, NO OPINION." He backed up, holding his hands out in front of him.

"Sorry ma'am, sorry. I'll leave." He muttered before running scarce out of my bedroom and closing the door behind him.

Fuck this. 

I got up and left my bed, feeling physically weaker and a little lightheaded. I grabbed my car keys and shot my men a glance who were holding a hushed meeting without me.

"What the fuck are you all looking at?" I shouted but didn't stick around to hear their reply. I slammed the door on a voice and got into my car. I tuned the radio to sad songs and cried my way to Aces house. 

I stood out in the cold, his twiggy bushes blowing against the wind. The air spiked my face, turning my cheeks red and my hands numb.

It was miserable outside, I wanted to curl up on his sofa next to the fire and let the Christmas lights soothe me. I wanted to be taken care of like he takes care of Grace. I wanted him to run his fingers over my cramping stomach and somehow magic my pain away.

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