𝙒𝙖𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙈𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙚 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩// kokonui

05

Only if I didn't have a sister.

No, what was I thinking? I must have gone crazy. I love my sister, of course. And that was just so petty of me.

As I entered the library I immediately spotted my sister and Koko. I let out a little laugh when I saw my sister from afar just sleeping instead of reading.

I noticed Koko beside Akane staring at her. I don't know why but instead of sitting beside them I just found myself hiding behind a shelf near their table. Koko leaned his head near the sleeping beauty's face and was about to initiate a kiss. I looked away. I know where this is going. But I stayed there, I just took a random book and pretended to read it to put my attention somewhere else.

"You should only kiss the person you like." I heard my sister.

"But I like you Akane-san." Koko answered.

It's weird. It's weird how I already knew that he likes her but I still feel shocked. But was I really shocked? Is this stinging pain I'm feeling right here in my heart caused by shock? Or is it because I'm hurt? I knew it all along but why does it feel so different hearing him confirming it? I silently get up and leave the library.

I've been acting so weird lately and it's bothering me. Koko is my friend, I should be happy for him. I know he is a great person. He makes me happy and I know he deserves being loved.

My sister, my sister is an angel. I may act rude to her but I also care for her. And she deserves all the love too. She deserves it because she's the epitome of perfection. Akane is so nice, Akane is so pretty, Akane is so smart. There is no doubt you are "the gifted child". The ideal daughter, the ideal student, and of course.. The ideal girlfriend. Have you ever felt unloved, Akane?

That's why someday I want to be someone like you.

I got back to our house, went straight to my bedroom and sat on my study table facing the window. Soon, I saw Koko walking my sister home, stopping in front of our house.

"I've always liked you, Akane-san! When we grow up please marry me! I'll protect you forever."

"You promise?"

Those lines were so romantic, but hearing those words from my perspective shattered me. My chest is about to explode but I keep my cold expression, pretending to be numb enough to not feel the pain. You're not fooling anyone, Seishu. And I know, I know.

I went downstairs to get myself a glass of water.

"Mom and dad are out of town. Did you eat already?" My sister casually asked. I nodded as an answer.

"Nee-san..."

"Yes, Seishu?" she answered.

"Koko. Do you really plan on marrying him?" I asked, avoiding eye contact.

She let out a small giggle and patted my head. "You guys are still young, and so am I. Who knows what will happen next?"

I went back to my room, lay down on my bed and closed my eyes trying to sleep this off. Not even an hour had passed when I felt hot and suffocated so I opened my room's door just to be welcomed by the hallway, almost getting eaten by the fire.

"Nee-san!! Where are you?!" I took my blanket to protect myself and attempted to find my sister. I was on my way to her room when a piece of burning wood from the ceiling fell and hit the side of my face. My vision is getting blurry and I cannot take the excruciating pain burning my skin.

"Akane-san!!" I heard someone shouting and soon I saw a boy running with his sweater protecting himself from the fire. It was Koko. When he saw me in front of my sister's room he carried me out of the burning house.

"Akane-san, it's alright now. The ambulance is here." I gripped tighter on the blanket covering my body trying to hide the guilt.

"You got it wrong, Koko. I'm not Akane, I'm Seishu." He saw my face clearly and I saw his eyes. He looked at me like he lost his world. The look of regret, disappointment, grief. That look that I would never want to see again.

Akane barely survived the fire. Her burns are so bad and her condition is not going too well. Koko was dreadful and swore to help my sister no matter what. He said he would do everything to pay for my sister's hospital bills because my parents cannot afford it.

Everytime I look at her I feel so guilty. Why was I saved instead of her? The thought of Koko only planning on saving my sister makes me want to throw up from guilt.

"Only if I wasn't saved first, maybe you are in a better condition right now. If I wasn't saved by Koko, would I be in this kind of situation instead of you? I wouldn't mind that at all, nee-san." I gritted my teeth trying not to breakdown in front of my unconscious sister.

"Akane.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I- thought that it would be better if I didn't have a sister. I swear, I swear I-I didn't mean it and I regret thinking that. I'm sorry, this is my fault, nee-san. Please, get well so you could beat me up for being an idiot, please." Tears wouldn't stop falling on my cheeks as I feel all kinds of pain draining my weak body.

These past few days, Koko has been trying to make money for my sister but her case isn't getting any better. I want to share her pain, this scar on my face is nothing compared to the pain she's under right now.

Today, devastating news was delivered to us. My sister did not make it. My body became numb because of what I've heard. Why? This can't be happening.

"You guys are still young, and so am I. Who knows what will happen next?"

Nee-san, we're still young. So why?