𝙒𝙖𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙈𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙚 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩// kokonui

09

It's been years since Akane-san died. Ever since that day, I've become more obsessed with money and with my studies. I drowned myself with books so I could know more about the concept of capitalism; the concept of money. So I would never face financial problems again. So I could buy anything. I started managing my financial life and earning more money at a young age. But I know so well how money can't bring her back to life. It just became my coping mechanism.

We were in high school when I and Inupi started our relationship. Where our toxic relationship began.

"Hey, Inupi." I snapped my finger so I could get his attention.

"Hmm?" He looked at me. Strangely, when our eyes met I felt something. Almost the same feeling I felt with his sister back then.

"Let's go to the library after class." I even stuttered a bit, how weird.

And just like usual, I spend hours reading in the library. Inupi doesn't really like to read as much as I do but he still accompanied me. It's already almost sunset when I finished a book.

Inupi was sitting on the window. He is asleep. I looked at him admiring his face. He has a noticeable scar but he's still and always been beautiful. I went closer to him to look at his face closely. He really looks like his sister. The last thing I know, I kissed him. I am so confused.

"You should only kiss people you like."

I remember Akane-san saying those words.

Do I like Inupi? But how about Akane-san?

"Akane-san..." I cried. I cannot keep my thoughts straight. My memories of her just flashed after that. I know damn well that it is Inupi that I kissed. But I am just so confused, why would I kiss Inupi? Why did I think of Akane-san after kissing him? I feel so guilty.

I am afraid Inupi's not really asleep. The next day, it feels like my speculations were right. Since that day, he has been avoiding me. Things really went awkward between us though we're trying to convince ourselves that we're cool.

"Inupi, are you free-"

"Seishu!" a girl called him, blushing.

"Koko, I think you should go home by yourself today." He told me as the girl held his hand.

"I have a... date." The last word was like a whisper. I did not hear it.

"A date." he repeated, now I heard it right. I nodded and let them go.

For some reason, walking home alone feels extra lonely today. It's not like it's my first time walking alone but I wish Inupi's with me. Well, it's good that he's dating but I don't feel so happy about it.

This set-up lasted for a month. Most days, I walk alone after school. If not, I'm with my other friends like Mikey.

"Koko, I'm going somewhere after class. If you're going to read in the library 'till the sun sets. Then you could wait for me, I'll go after my errand." He told me in his usual cold voice. I nodded and he went outside our classroom because he saw his girl waiting in the hallway.

"How romantic." I whispered while rolling my eyes.

After class, I found myself reading at the library. It's actually not in my plan to read here today since I already borrowed some books yesterday.

"Let's just say I'll read a different book today." I sighed and shrugged my shoulders as I sat on a couch and read lazily.

One hour had passed. He's still not here. Two hours. Still not here. Maybe I should wait a little longer. Three hours had passed, and I had already finished a book. Thirty minutes, I'll wait. I waited but he never showed up. The sun set completely and it's already dark outside. I left the library and decided to walk home.

As I walk alone on a familiar path, I remember thousands of memories. I remember walking home with Inupi, especially the first time I followed him. I was so annoying back then. I remember how many times he pushed me away so he could walk alone but I never stopped following him like a dog. I was so happy that day. I am really glad when we became friends, best friends even. I was the happiest when he- Wait, aren't I the happiest with Akane-san? That memory of us walking home from the library, the day I confessed. Wasn't that the best memory I have? Yeah, sure. I think it is.

"Oh." my feet seem to take me in a very familiar space. I looked at Shinichiro's shop thinking whether I should go inside or stay here.

"Koko! Long time no see." Shinichiro saw me and waved. I waved back at him.

"Come on in." He smiled at me and I followed him inside.

"Seishu, Koko's here!" Shinichiro shouted. And there's Inupi in working clothes. He seemed surprised to see me here. Well, I too felt surprised to see him here. Isn't he supposed to be on a date?

Shinichiro's phone rang. "Hello? Yes, yes. Sure. I'll be there, sir."

"I need to check on something. I need to go. Seishu, can you plaease close the shop for me?" he asked.

"Okay, I'll clean first before I'll close it." Seishu said.

"Thank you, Seishu. And you too Koko!" He waved to us as he left the shop with his motorbike.

As we were left alone, the silence became too loud. It was so awkward. No one's talking. He started to clean the tools so I helped him.

"Why are you here?" Finally, someone broke the silence.

"I don't know. To visit?" I answered. Well, it is true that I don't know why I suddenly decided to go here. I didn't even realize that I was already in front of the shop.

"How about you?" I asked. Why did he tell me to wait in the library just to not show up?

"I was helping Shin, you see."

"Did you go to the library?" He asked and I nodded as an answer.

"I'm sorry if you waited."

"It's okay." I said, looking at the floor. Should I also apologize for kissing him?

"Inupi.."

"Hmm?" He looked at me while picking up some tools and putting them in the tool box.

"I'm also sorry for making things awkward for us. I should've not kissed you. I know you might be sleeping back then but I didn't mean to do that- I don't know how and why... I am confused."

"Me too."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm confused, Koko. That's why I'm trying my best to spend less time with you." he looks sad.

"I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable."

"No, I just don't know. Maybe I'm spending so much time with you that I began to feel things. I think.. I like you, Koko." Inupi likes me? I don't know how to react. But I feel happy? My heart is beating so fast and loud. I hugged him tightly, afraid to lose him.

"Inupi, I hate it when you're with other girls, I hate it. I feel so lonely walking home without you. I waited in the library but reading books got me bored because you're not there, Inupi. Please don't date someone else." I whispered in his ears, still hugging him.

"What should I do?" he asked. What should we do? What should I do?

Set yourself free, Koko. You know what you really want.

"I like you, Inupi." I felt Inupi slowly hugging back.

"Date me." He nodded and hugged me.

That time, I felt free. Everything feels so light and everything feels so right.