I'm laying on my floor in my room again. I always do this when everything starts to be too much again because I don't want to face the truth or reality. It's cold in here but I don't wanna get up and turn the heater on. I'm lonely at least it feels like it. I mean I could grab my phone and text with „someone" this person who put me through so much. I still trust this person the most I would trust them with my life but they don't care and why would they... why would someone care? Humans are all way too self-obsessed to really care about someone else and also
I don't wanna move. I wanna stay here in exactly this position and wait till something happens. I look through my window and I can see the stars. They look like little burning candles. I like the night sky it's calming, it's peaceful, everything got his own place. His own spotlight.
The music changes in a slower and even sadder song.
I mean I could listen to „Happy songs" but I don't wanna change it now. I cant handle change so well. Even if it's just changing the music.
Change is such a scary thing I mean you put time and a lot of effort in it.
Most people fail with it because it's too hard and then they start over and over again till they succeed or just give up.
But I don't wanna be like those people.
I don't wanna waste my time with something like that. I mean sooner or later I have to reach out for help because everything is just too much.
I can't even get up and study even tho I should
But watching the sky is more interesting.
The clouds are moving and now I can see the big yellow ball shining bright in middle of the „candles"
The moon itself looks so beautiful.
I can't take my eyes off him because it feels so weird not looking at him. It's just me and the moon and thousands no.. millions no... billions of stars.
I feel kinda safe now.
A loud and aggressive knocking on my door brings me back to reality.
Reality is something that is not made for me I tried to escape from it so many times to just leave it but It always hits me half way and then 10 times harder.
Everything could be so easy but it's not.
Cant tell if it's because of me or because of others like my family or people from my school.
After some more aggressiv knocking on my door I hear a voice not just a normal voice the voice I'm scared of the most because the words from it hurt... hurts like hell.
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Okay first part done, sorry for leaving you guys at this point but stay tuned for the II. Part :)
