𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓

two

HAN JISUNG POV

Oh right, another secret- something only my family would know, if they didn't forget about it. I have a condition, and a few more. But for this one, it hinders me from preforming to my best ability. My body's weak, and can't store enough energy like how most people could. I can't gain weight and my stamina is lower than anyone else's. I've never told anyone in the group about it, although i'm pretty sure JYP is aware of it. The reason I don't want to tell people about it is because they'd treat me different, ask me if I was okay every 10 minutes or tell me to sit out from practice- and I didn't want it. Fans might become overly worried about me too, and I really didn't want that. Although it was hard to keep up with the other members, and some bad consequences came to me, I didn't mind.

I was just lying down in my shared room with Jeongin right now, but Jeongin was working on something with Chan and Changbin. In all honesty, I felt replaced. Chan always said that the studio is the '3racha headquarters'. But why was he being kicked out now?

"Shoo, let's work later, i want to work with Seungmin."

"Later, I have the perfect plan for Jeongin."

"Oh this? This track is for Felix."

"Jisung could you get out? I need Jeongin here and there's not enough space."

Although they shrugged and laughed me off, I felt way too offended by it. I was overreacting, and I knew it. It acted as if I was just a nuisance to them then shouldn't I just leave 3racha? So they could have an empty seat for their next guest.

3RD PERSON POV

Jisung sat there, alone in the self practice room tear filled eyes just waiting to fall down. Why was he so hurt about it, Jisung didn't know himself. He rubbed his eyes with his fingers and blinked the tears away and tried to continue to write a new song. He told himself he was writing lyrics, lyrics with no track? He was more of just jutting his feelings down on paper and making it poetic, to make it seem like a song. Scratching his head furiously, he crumpled the paper and pulled on his hair.

This isn't good enough!

Han Jisung, do you seriously think that people would like this song?

What a disappointment, now you can't even make Chan proud either.

The audacity you might have to actually give that to Chan to inspect..

You don't deserve the position you have in Stray Kids.

Jisung had tears streaming down his face now, he couldn't even make the right song lyric anymore. He screamed and sobbed, trying to get rid of all of the things he was feeling right now. But even after screaming and crying, he couldn't get rid of anything he was feeling.

There's a blade in your bag.

Then, a seemingly 'good' idea popped into Jisungs head. He wanted to cut himself to numb him from the pain. He grabbed the blade from his bag and pressed the blade on his skin but before cutting his skin open, he really thought if it was okay for him to do this, and if it would be visible to other people. It might be too obvious on the wrist, so then he removed the left side of his shirt and began pressing and cutting the blade on his shoulder. For him it didn't hurt, in fact, it eased his mind. No more voices and no more telling him he wasn't good enough, it was just him and the sound of his own heartbeat.

Just one more..

.

One more can't hurt.

.

One more..

.

.

.

.

.

Before Jisung even realized it, there were 10 wounds on his shoulder oozing with blood, and the blood was every where. Jisung gasped at the mess and grabbed tissues, wiping everything clean and removing the smell with some alcohol. Now, one more problem, he was wearing a white shirt. He did remove his shirt from half of his body, but he didn't notice the blood spilling everywhere. Fortunately enough, Jisung had a jacket in his bag, and he could wear that for the time being. He quickly took it out and bolted down the stairs, it was 10pm now, and chan always asked them to be home by 9:30pm. Jisung opened his phone and saw messages from Chan and a lot of missed calls, did he worry them?

Do you actually think they care? You sure are hilarious.

Jisung shook his head and ran faster, he was late and didn't want to disappoint Chan. Since the dormitory was close to the building, it only took him roughly 10 minutes. He opened the door and saw the members on the couch, chatting happily.

"You finally showed up!" Chan said in a joking manner, but Jisung didn't catch that.

I did disappoint him again didn't i?

"I'm sorry! I fell asleep!" He said, quickly coming up with a lie.

"Typical Jisung anyway." Changbin said, shrugging his shoulders.

Was I always this bad? Showing up late because of my messed up schedule?

"I guess.." He mumbled and quickly made his way to the washer.

While the others were still washing, he removed his jacket and shirt, then threw his shirt in. He wore his jacket again and hoped no one would notice the blood. He slid past the members again and went to go shower, he didn't care about dinner at the time. As the warm water flowed down his skin, a subtle sting was felt on the places he cut on. He sighed and continued showering, soon realising that blood is still coming out from his wounds. He was debating whether he should get bandages or not, but the problem would be bigger if he did get caught, so he decided not to do it anymore.

"Jisung are you going to eat dinner?" Chan asked.

"Nope, I already ate."

Great, I lied to him again.

"Alright."

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IM SO SORRY, I FORGOT ABOUT THIS BOOK EVER SINCE EXAMS STARTED- GOD IM SORRY DNNSNA