It had been years, decades even since Jesus had felt the touch of a woman. It was partly his fault, no it was his fault. He didn't mean to kill her, it was an accident.
His best friend at the time, Barry, couldn't bear to look him in the eye anymore after that, he was there when it happened. Their friendship quickly fell apart, being replaced with pure and utter loathing. This really broke Jesus as Barry was his first ever friend, they had been friends since preschool.
Jesus was a lonely man, no friends, no wife, no kids. Just him and himself. He missed his best friend no matter how odd he was.
You see Barry wasnt any kind of normal person. No. He was a bee. He also had a really thick as- no what was that thought.
Pic of Barry for educational purposes: (i drew it at an airport while half asleep don't judge)
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Jesus was thinking about all the friendships he had lost, he had never bothered to make friends after that, worried that they would all leave him.
He was snapped out of his thoughts as a fly flew into his nostril, he quickly shooed it away and checked his phone for the time.
1:31pm
He realised how hungry he was and sauntered off to the kitchen, he pulled the fridge to discover it was devoid of anything actually nice to eat. He sighed and decided he would go out to the shops and buy some food.
He got ready and as he was about to open the door he got a notification from his phone. He froze. It was his ex wife's number.... How was that possible, Jesus had killed her.
+69 420 *** ****: hey if you could stop pissing the bed every night that would be fab xx - Kylie
What? How could they have known about his bed wetting habits? Also that was his ex wife's name, Kylie.
Jesus decided to ignore it, he would think about it later, right now he just wanted some food, so now, with a completely different attitude he gripped the brass door handle and pulled the door open.
He breathed in the fresh air, wow, he had missed this. He hadn't been outside in months, he had just been getting food delivered to him. He decided to walk to the shops, to savour the sweet feeling of fresh air.
He lived rather close to the city centre so it only took about 10 minutes to get there. He looked around and was surrounded by all kinds of shops and businesses. He decided on Tesco as they had the cheapest options.
As he stepped in the sound of voices filled his ears, it was like bliss. He missed had this. He took a trolley and started walking around, putting all his favourite snacks in there.
"Um excuse me," he heard a timid voice behind him. He whirled his head around to see a woman with short dark brown hair looking up at him.
"Yeah?" He answered her, "I was just wondering if you could get the bagels from that shelf up there, I can't seem to reach."
"Of course," Jesus grabbed them and handed them to the lady, she flashed him a quick smile before walking off. Bagels, those had always been Barry's favourite food, no why was he thinking about Barry.
Barry would always have them for lunch at school, once he ate only bagels for a month! Jesus had always found it cute how much Barry loved bagels, though he wouldn't admit it to anyone.
The sound of glass shattering brought him back to reality. He whipped his head around and saw that the big window on the storefront had been blown to smithereens, and stood menacingly behind it was a cow. No, not his ex wife Kylie, but an actual cow.
'What?' Jesus thought to himself. That was odd. Suddenly the cow bolted through the now empty window frame, screams were heard all around the shop, that cow was on a damn rampage.
The cow was going wild, but it was too big and too fast for anyone to do anything. People were running around and shouting, it was complete and utter chaos in there, the brunette tried his best to make his was out, carefully trying not to tread on anything, or anyone.
He thought he had made it out when suddenly he heard loud steps behind him, the cow was after him now. He knew he shouldn't but he took one quick glance back. That cow had a knife in its mouth, and it wasn't afraid to use it.
Jesus ran, faster than he ever had before, he ran through busy streets. People stared, some tried to stop the cow. None of their efforts worked the little (big) bitch was after Jesus and there was nothing that could stop him.
Jesus slowed down a sec, gasping for air. That was a fatal mistake. The cow took full advantage of this and charged at him.
The last thing Jesus felt was the end of the sharp blade piercing through his back, the last thing he heard were the gasps of worried bystanders, the last thing he saw was the bright blue sky fading away, being replaced with small black dots.
Then silence. Reality had faded away from him.
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Beep—beep—beep Beep—beep—beep What was that sound, it sounded like some sort of machine. He mustered up all the strength he could and opened his eyes, they felt like they weighed 100 tonnes. The room he was in was really bright and made the brunette flinch.
He was suddenly aware of the searing pain in his back, the uncomfortable bed he was lying on, and the smell of an overly sterile room. Abruptly the door swung open and a man that he'd never seen before, dressed in all white walked in.
Then it clicked, he was at the hospital. He racked his brain to try and remember how and why he was there. Nothing. He couldn't remember anything. HE COULDNT REMEMBER ANYTHING.
He started hyperventilating, what was going on, where was he, who was he? Presumably the doctor noticed his worry and immediately asked what was wrong.
"Who am i?" The brunette was crying at this point. "Why can't i remember anything."
All the colour drained from the doctors face, all he let out was a quiet whisper that the brunette could barely make out. "You can't what."
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Hey gays that was the first chapter hope you enjoyed jesus getting stabbed by a cow.
