Letting You Go.

'I have to be somewhere'

The sound of Elles anguished sobs echoes throughout Bucky's mind. He sits on the floor replaying her face over and over, the look of sheer disappointment that was strewn across it at the sight of him.
The light that once glistened from her varnished brown eyes gone, exhausted.
He wishes he could explain. If only Elle would give him the time of day. Of course he doesn't deserve it.

Bucky casts his mind back, remembering the day he left.
Steve stood, tall and commanding, in the kitchen of the crappy apartment that was situated above a dive bar, across from the market where Bucky had met Elle.
He hadn't been here in months, spending almost all of his time with Elle and her grandparents, who had been utterly warm and welcoming.

Seeing Steve standing there, today of all days...
Bucky's stomach fell into a pit of despair, this was the day he had hoped would never happen.
Steve takes a cautious step towards him, face rigid "its time to go Buck..."
Bucky had seen the news, and newspapers.  He was being framed for a bomb attack on the UN building in Vienna, but it wasn't him. Elle and her grandparents could vouch for him. They knew about his past, and they chose to forget about it, helping him flourish in a new life.
A tightness builds within his chest, conflicted feelings about seeing his oldest friend, the urge to be left alone concealed by his new life overwhelming any convivial feelings about Steves presence.
Defending himself Bucky speaks softly but firmly, "I didn't do this, it wasn't me. I don't do that any more." His voice croaked with nerves.
"I have a life here." He pushes tears back trying to maintain his position.
Steve takes another step towards Bucky, speaking gently, "lets clear your name Buck." His voice sympathetic, eyes wide as he studies him.
Steve moves the blind from the window slightly, watching the heavily armed force take a strategic formation around Bucky's building.
"They aren't planning on taking you alive." His eyes sadden, panic falters from his voice.
"If we go together, we..." he tries to plead with Bucky, but senses his reluctance.
Bucky looks down at his feet, a heavy sigh escapes "I have somewhere to be." There is an emotional crack in his voice.
Steve slams down Bucky's journal in frustration, "damn it Bucky!? What could be more important than this?" He looks at him disappointed, angry.
Bucky takes a small step backwards towards the door "24 hours Steve, please." A hint of panic, and sadness encases him.
Steve throws his arms out, his shield gripped to his forearm, "the place is surrounded." His lips press into a thin line.
He takes another slow pace towards Bucky, trying to gently back him into a corner "lets go together..." bargaining with him.
Bucky's face collapses "I cant do that, I have to be somewhere." Almost pleading with Steve.
Bucky takes a brave step towards him, "you don't understand."
"Help me understand!!" Steve snaps, irritated with the vagueness seeping around the apartment.

The noise of the authorities surrounds the apartment, Bucky can hear the white noise of strategising voices from outside the door.
"Its too late." A sigh of defeat leaves his body, as he prepares himself for yet another battle, "I had somewhere to be." An agonised mutter breaks from his lips.
Steve storms towards him, standing a couple of feet away, irritated and panicked "why do you keep saying that?"
Bucky looks up at Steve, his eyes filled with tears, his face full of torment, "I didn't want to fight any more." He purses his lips together fighting back misery.
"Then don't." Steve pleads one last time.
***

The memory floods Bucky's mind, torturing him. Unable to reconcile with what happened, his eyes fill with tears as he is reminded again of what was torn from him, reminding him once more that he didn't have a choice.