Letting You Go.

December 21st 2016

Flashback.

Elle nervously paced the corridors of city hall giddy with excitement. The white lace dress clung to her body ever so perfectly, today everything about her was perfect, her ruby red lips that begged to be kissed, chestnut brown eyes filled with love and excitement the long fluttering eyelashes that framed them, enchanting.
She beamed at Grams as she adjusted the veil that had gone lopsided, "breathe sweetheart, I know your nervous but take a breath, enjoy this moment. It'll be over before you know it." She placed a soft kiss on her only granddaughters forehead, gushing with pride and over come with joy that amongst all the sadness and trauma, Elle and Bucky had found one another. Elles mouth twisted together trying to contain her excitement, pulling her Grams in for a warm embrace, closing her eyes as she takes in the nostalgic scent of her everlasting perfume.
Elles eyes dart open at the familiar sound of Gramps' cane tapping the hardwood floor, he walks slowly along the corridor, alone. He had gone to collect Bucky from the apartment, traditionally spending the night apart, so where was he?
Trying not to panic and deciding that Bucky was probably just in the bathroom, Elle smoothed her dress, forcing a smile she walked towards him, eyes wide, her heart cracked when she was close enough to read Gramps' expression.
"Please don't say it." She whispered to herself, an enormous lump forms in her throat, painful as it swells with each passing millisecond.
Gramps' defeated face grey with worry as he shakes his head, "he's not coming Ellie." A single tear slides down his cheek resting on his chin.

Elle chokes back a gasp, her bottom lip trembles as she resounds the words in her mind, "say it again." She sobs unable to comprehend the earth shattering sentence.
A confused look forms on Gramps face, "Ell...Ellie..." his mind working overtime, trying to find the right words to make this easier, to soften the inevitable swell of pain about to take his Ellie. But he knows there are no words.
"I went to the apartment and he wasn't there darling. He's not coming. Bucky's gone." His own lip trembles, so he forces them together pressing hard trying to be strong, he has to be strong.
An involuntary pathetic whimper escapes Elles mouth, soaked with tears as he world crumbles, "wh...what do you mean he's not coming?" Weeping, glistening in her eyes, filling back up with every falling tear.
Grams wipes away her own tears with a handkerchief, taking Elles hand in her own, unable to form a sentence, for the first time she is speechless.
Elle turns to look at her, eye raw with the salty sting of tears "do you think he's...okay?" She sobs out, panic attacks her every nerve, exhuming her worst nightmare.
Grams deafening silence fuelling the fire of dread swimming around, dropping her hand Elle paces the corridor again, this time not because of excitement, the abyss of the unknown chasing after her, ready to swallow her and spit her out broken. Hyperventilating she begins yanking at her lace trimmed veil, couples waiting to be wed watch on at the heart wrenching scene, wide eyes filled with sympathy, relieved that it isn't happening to them.
Grams picks Elles veil up from the ground, folding it neatly on her lap before weeping into Gramps' shoulder, eyes heavy with tears. He looks on wishing he could scoop his little Ellie up into his arms, and take her pain away like he did when she scraped her knee as a child, wished he could pinch her cheeks and make her forget, nothing can fix this. Nothing will put the pieces of her broken heart back together, not yet anyway.
Elles head snaps up towards the door at the sound of   it opening, momentarily hopeful, it was just the wind, "he wouldn't have just left, something must have happened to him!" She cries out in anguish, her eyes bleary with devastation.
Unable to watch or listen any longer Grams moves slowly towards her, reaching out for her arm giving it a light stroke "sweetheart, lets go. Its time to go, he's not coming." Teary eyed she leads a reluctant Elle towards the exit.
Elle rubs her tear stained eyes "but what if he's hurt?" Every grieving breath moves through her like razor blades, "we...I have to find him," the words weakly falling from her mouth, every movement exhausting her.
Blinded by another stream of tears she blinks them away, "we were going to be a family."
She slides down the wall, landing on the floor. The seams of her dress pulling as she feebly throws her head into her knees. Black mascara leaving the tattooed stain of heartbreak on her perfect white dress.
Grams mouth moves, but no sound comes out, Elle glances up from her whirlpool of tears, unable to hear anything as she is submerged by sadness.
"But he loved me...I...I know he did." The peeling pieces of her heart exposed to the salty realism that the one thing she was undivided about, was the love between them, and that perhaps it was all one sided.

Gramps frailty overcome by his need to protect his sweet girl, he lifts her off the ground helping her to stand "He loved you." He nods, ushering you to the door, leaving Grams to pick up the pieces left behind.
Finally reaching the car Elle lets out a singular wail of despair, we were going to be a family." Falling completely silent, all of her energy overwhelmingly taken up by fighting the intense urge to wind herself up in a ball, letting the pain unfurl around her.