Life is a B*tch

CHAPTER 1 B*TCHES! WOOHOO!

Natasha considered herself a down-to-earth person. But how can you be down-to-earth when your girlfriend who only turned 18 last month proposed to you? "Nat. NAT. NATASHA!" She snapped out of her daydream. "What, Captain Ameri-B*tch?" No one understood why she hated the hero, but he'd made her Дорогой hurt. Not only that, but he'd made her Дорогой run away, and if there's one thing to know about Hebe Stark-Rogers, it's that that wasn't her thing. "Would it kill you to pay attention? What are you even thinking about?" "Maybe if you were a decent person you would know." "What's up her *ss this morning?" Stark muttered. "Maybe you should take those stupid sunglasses off. I think they're blinding you." "As I was SAYING, before someone decided to ignore me..." I tuned Rogers out once again.

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Hebe liked to think she kept a relatively good schedule. But she'd been so busy worrying about how her carissima would react and the fact she was home late as well as a superhero on a mission that she'd slightly f*cked up her sleep schedule, and today was the seventh in a row she'd been late to work. "I'm sorry, it won't happen again, it's just my girlfriend was out of town and she was supposed to be back last week and-" not a lie. "No more excuses Rodgers. You're fired." She sighed. Maybe this was a possibility to have a better job. God she hates optimistic thinking. I'm doomed.

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"Дорогой? Why are you home?" "Could ask you the same carissima." "Meeting out early. I'm going to guess you got fired." "In my defense, you got home a week late! You could have died! And I literally proposed to you last night! I think I'm allowed to be late to work for a week when you were missing for a week!" "And you got me in trouble with your father!" She smirked. "It's not my fault you were daydreaming." "If you're nice, Stark's looking for a personal assistant." The small, hyper, and very gay Italian girl sighed. "Fine."

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Tony sighed. These people are idiots. (Narrator says he needs to be nicer because not everyone is a genius) He called the next person in. "So, your name's Hebe? That was my daughter's name." Hebe smirked. "I'm disappointed that you don't recognize me, but at least you remember my name." He gasped. "Hebe?" "No sh*t, papá." "Where have you been? Pops and I have been worried sick and-" "Oh, he really made you believe he cares what happens to me. That's funny, he was the reason I ran away. Said that I was a worthless b*tch that wasn't worth his time." "Amate, how could you say that about him?" "Papá, face the facts. He has his head up his *ss. I couldn't live in the same house as him anymore so I just left. I ran into Nat a few years ago- in the most literal way- and here we are now. Papá, I couldn't tell you, I'm sorry." He hugged his daughter. "I know what it feels like. My dad was a bit of an *sshole too. Consider yourself lucky Steve wasn't ever drunk" She smiled. "So, do I get the job? Natasha hardly gets paid and I need the money." "Of course. But way to ruin the mood."