The Girl With FND

Friends.

Usually I don't think I'll post twice a day but today is an exception. So I go to a church, and I have all my life. I went to that church before I moved, and I went to that church after I moved, but a different building of course. Ever since I stepped into that building, there were always my two friends (let's just say. These aren't Thier real names) Ashley and Mya. We were all two years old. Mya was always a bit of an introvert, and it took her a bit to warm up to me. I always thought that Ashley hated me so I never really bothered to talk to her. Eventually tho, we all became pretty good friends.

Later, I found out that Mya had actually bullied Ashley, so they were more like frenemies. They had made up and Mya explained to both of us that she was just intimidated by Ashley.

So the years went by, and I was kinda the glue between Ashley and Mya and I. Then, out of nowhere, they decided to change the ward boundaries. That basically means that they changed which neighborhoods went to church at what time. I stayed the same, but they both got moved to another.

That was very hard for me. I was used to seeing them at LEAST twice a week, and then all of a sudden, I didn't really get to at all. This caused a lot of problems with my FND, and I was paralyzed a LOT right after that happened. I didn't go to the next youth group, and I kinda just stopped going to church. Mainly cause I couldn't move in the mornings, which is also why I start school at 9:30 Instead of 8:15, but yeah.

So I've discovered that Ashley stresses me out very badly. My first ever full flair in public happened at her house, and that's when we first went to the ER. My parents have told me not to hang out with her, but never anything about texting.

Today she texted me and asked how my youth group has been going. I told her that I hadn't been going very often cause I don't really have many close friends. Then she told me that I needed to move on from it, and that I just needed to accept that things weren't like how they were for the past 12 years. She also told me that I just needed to make new best friends.

I mean, I really wish it were that easy. I'll be friends with anyone, but BEST friends? That's different. I have too many friends as it is, and my FND isn't taking it well. I had three very bad  flairs in one week cause I was trying to make more. I soon discovered that wasn't going to work out. If I want to make more friends I'm going to have to cut some people off, and I can't promise one won't be her.

I mean, I really like Ashley, but it's just not working. She doesn't understand that making new friends causes me to be paralyzed or some crazy thing, cause honestly you never know what's going to happen with my case. She also doesn't understand how hard it can be to make friends when you have FND. People tell me I'm annoying, that I'm faking it, or that I just need to shut up. I was also called lots of names in school when I first got my diagnosis. Good thing I already had existing friends cause that was tough.

Honesty what she's saying would probably be helpful to a person without FND, but for me, it's just not.

Oh well I guess. I guess this is just the life with FND. This is called The Girl With FND, after all.