Hopes & Inevitables

1

Can you turn back time, somehow? Can you turn back these feelings in anyway or even a little if possible? I wish I didn't feel like this, I wish it was in my control, I wish if only I could stop these feelings for a while. Being alone should give you peace right? The feeling of being independent, the feeling of doing things your way, the feeling of not being bothered and just focusing on everything that is your priority. But then another feeling takes over, way too strongly. The feeling of being tired of always being independent, sometimes, you just want to lean on someone and not think about anything, someone to depend upon, someone who'd take the charge for you. The feeling of being tired of always doing things your way, sometimes, you just want to adapt for someone, someone who'd give you exposure and help you learn different things. The feeling of wanting to be bothered, the silence killing you and you just want someone's voice around the house, minding their own business but a voice you know you could always rely on. The feeling that maybe someone would make you their priority and they are already your priority. Why all these feelings take over so majorly the few perks of being alone. Maybe because, what good is any happiness when you have no one to share it with? How difficult is any problem when you have no one to sort it out with? How painful is any grief when you have no one to rely on for just some comfort words?

Writing all this makes me feel a bit more lonely but somehow knowing that any of you might relate to this makes me acknowledge that it's not weird to feel this way, that I'm not weird, that we're under the same sky feeling this way so maybe and hopefully, someone would not say that I'm just an annoying an overthinker.

Rubbing my eyes thinking I might have teared up, I realized there were no tears. I wish there were though, people always say crying makes you feel a lot better. I've cried a lot in the last few years honestly but crying never made me feel better, just gave me a throbbing headache to the point where my eyes would swell and all I'd want to do is sleep when there would be plenty of work pending on my desk. And then the stress of not completing the work gave me an even more headache, and the cycle repeated. So, don't cry honestly, unless you have someone to lean on and to complete your pending work too. I don't have one so I rarely cry anymore. So tell me, does crying makes you feel better? If it does make you feel better which is the pros, does it come along with the cons of a stupid headache?