Tension - a pov story //rafe cameron, JJ maybank

Part VIII - "but this time was different"

TW: talk of anxiety, alcohol abuse

sexual assault/rape (this will be under the signified stars *** section. please skip over if this makes you uncomfortable)

The next morning came by and you slowly woke up rubbing your eyes as last night started to become less of a blur. You looked over to john b to find him still heavily asleep, and decided that you needed to get out for a minute, clear your head.

You wondered out to the dock with an old bikini, newly tied onto your body just a few moments ago. You always found yourself waking up extremely early in the morning whenever something bad had happened the night before. no surprise the same thing happened this morning, as the sun was slowly rising revealing sparkles on the waters surface.

you gracefully dived into the icy water to freshen up. As you came above the surface you let out a quiet sigh of peacefulness, not about any of the events of last night, but more of the welcoming dawn water chilled on your body.

You headed inside still feeling relaxed, and noticed that john b was waking up, slowly, almost repeating the exact way you had earlier.

"morning." you said.
"morning Y/N".

you sort of hoped that your brother wouldn't mention that weird lecture idea he brought up last night and you two could just move on, but in order for this to work you needed to talk about something else so he wouldn't get the chance.

"i think i might head out today. i don't know where, but i just need to get out and go somewhere, i don't know." you stated.
"uh- yeah ok" the sleepy boy replied hesitantly.
"why? you don't think i should?"
"no, i don't know i just thought, wouldn't you be worried if you ran into J or something?".
"i don't really care at this point." you replied to john b, pretty much masking the obvious truth your brother had just said. it did genuinely terrify you that you could see JJ today, it's weird because you've known him your whole life, and you fight all the time it's never awkward. But this time was different.

after saying bye to john b, you grabbed your bike handles, about to perch on top of the seat, but your mind told you to not get on, instead walk. you felt like you needed a walk.

there was one place that you used to go to when you were a lot younger, to escape your friends if you were fighting, or bored or even just to be alone. a hidden part of the island that you were pretty sure no one else knew about it, and intended to keep it that way.

you arrived at this secret spot, it was like scene out of twilight or something, a calming lake with almost pine trees, like a set of a forest. This always intrigued you because it looked nothing like the rest of the island. maybe that's why you liked this spot so much. it was like entering a different world.

a while had gone by, just you sitting there, not even doing anything, just observing the trees, the soft noises of the lake, the few bird chirps, and the wind quietly howling in the distance. this is what you needed, as boring as it might sound, it gave you a sense of complete placidity.

you decided it was time to leave after a while, and as you exited the spot, out of nowhere your stomach just completely dropped, turned into knots and your heart raced rapidly. you were reviewing the scenes of last nights entire incident. it was almost like you had completely forgotten about it, while you were at your spot. but now it all came rushing in at once, hitting you like a million bricks. your breathing became shorter and you felt your hands sweat faster. things seemed to always have a late reaction on you, you always took a minute to process things actually happening, and then when it finally clicked, it hit you. hard.

an idea dropped into your mind. a bad idea. a really weird and stupid and confusing idea. you wanted to get drunk. probably just the aspect of calming your mind and distracting yourself from the unsolvable reality placed in your palms.