More Than Meets The Eye

Chapter 11

"No, please don't get the wrong idea," Zhongli immediately said, noting the way Childe's eyes widened in what could only be described as betrayal. Betrayal that Zhongli hadn't brought up something this important all week, when he'd had several chances to do so.

"Then what idea am I supposed to get?" Childe's throat felt unnaturally dry. He didn't know why, but he felt like he was going to throw up. Has standing always been this hard? He tried to calm himself down by reminding himself that, in the end, this was Zhongli's life. Sure, he would've appreciated knowing that Zhongli's memory of Childe wasn't completely gone, but Childe wouldn't be the one most affected by this choice. It would be Zhongli. That didn't do too much to calm down the emotion pumping through him. 

"While it's true that I woke up not knowing who you were, I still had one memory regarding you in general," Zhongli explained, his fingers absently tracing over the furniture of the living room as if he hoped that the feeling of the materials under his fingers might trigger some memories. "And even that one memory didn't make all that much sense to me until recently."

"By recently, you mean..."

Zhongli's lips pulled into a thin smile. "It only pieced together less than ten minutes ago. Before, it had been just a sort of mess of half-present emotions."

Childe understood that. He knew how it felt when everything was muddled together into some kind of confusing pile of emotions, abandoned for him to do his best and try to figure out. And if it really was true that Zhongli had only managed to put it together in the last ten minutes or so, then Childe could understand why he'd chosen to stay silent about it at first.

"Right. Sorry. I think I overreacted a little. I didn't mean to startle you like that," Childe muttered, lowering his head. "Just- do you promise that you only figured it out just now?"

Zhongli gave him a solemn nod in response. "I promise. Before today, the memory I had didn't make any sense whatsoever. I only remembered feeling something along the lines of very harsh anger or heartbreak, and I remembered you."

Oh. Suddenly, it all made sense - the strange sadness that Zhongli had had in his eyes when he'd just woken up, the hesitation he had when speaking to Childe, the awkward glances he'd given him at first. Of course. It made perfect sense now. It wasn't that Zhongli had felt uncomfortable around him because he didn't remember who Childe was to him - it was mostly because he remembered that Childe was bad.

"If... if you feel comfortable sharing, could you tell me what it is that you remembered?" Childe had a feeling he already knew. He asked anyway, just in case he was wrong. He hoped he was wrong. Zhongli hesitated at this again, and Childe decided that he just shouldn't have asked. He was morbidly curious, yes, but he didn't want to make Zhongli uncomfortable. "You don't need to tell me. Only if you're comfortable."

"Right. Just- just give me a moment to gather my thoughts," Zhongli said, resting his hand against the wall for support. 

Childe quickly nodded. He'd waited weeks to get Zhongli back. He could wait a little more.

"I woke up not knowing who you were at all. I remembered hearing your voice while I was unconscious, though it felt very distant the whole time, and I couldn't place it to be your voice. Then, I actually saw you, and I saw this... hazy memory about you." Zhongli's voice got progressively quieter.

Childe led Zhongli to sit on the couch, carefully lowering him onto the cushions. His hand immediately went to Zhongli's in an offer of comfort, and he didn't realize until a few seconds later that Zhongli was feeling like this because of him, so maybe holding Childe's hand wasn't what he wanted right now. Zhongli's hand still found his, though. It was almost nostalgic, how not even a month ago, they'd been curled up on the same couch, happier than ever. A squeeze from Childe's hand urged him to continue.