More Than Meets The Eye

Chapter 14

He wanted to say that he was able to easily get back on his feet and act as if the whole breakdown didn't happen. He wanted to say that he was able to get up, say 'thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, have a nice day,' and pretend like he hadn't just cried for over an hour straight. Sadly, neither of those things were true. 

He didn't know exactly how long he'd spent there, burying his face in Zhongli's shirt as if that could protect him from the rest of the world, but he was certain of one thing - it was far longer than he hoped it would be. The thought alone was enough to bring him shame. He was Ajax, for fuck's sake! He was the greatest of warriors, one who didn't fear a thing! And even if he wasn't Ajax, then he was Childe, and young masters like Childe didn't spend their days sobbing about something that happened years ago. 

Still, it was relieving to cry, to let it all out. He hadn't let himself do that when it had just happened - he'd been too focused on actually surviving The Abyss, and finding a way to live now that he didn't have a home to go to. He hadn't had time for tears now. Perhaps he was getting a little too comfortable now, if he decided that he could spend his days crying. Then again, that was a good thing. It meant he no longer felt as if his life was constantly on the line, and although that was a small accomplishment, it was an accomplishment nonetheless. He'd always tried to look on the positive side in regards to Zhongli's health matters. Perhaps he should try to have a similar outlook for his own.

Only when he was certain that the last of his sobs had been wrung from his throat, that he quite literally had no tears left to cry did Childe manage to pull away, though even that proved to be difficult when all he wanted to do was stay there, in the warmth of Zhongli's touch for as long as he possibly could. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that wasn't possible. Hell, they were both grown adult men with lives of their own. They had jobs to go to and meetings to attend. Zhongli had an entire business to run, for fuck's sake. Still, maybe he could pretend for just a little longer that all those worries weren't there, that they didn't matter, that it was only him and Zhongli in this world and no one else.

That dream didn't last long before he pulled himself free from it, clumsily wiping at his cheeks to get the last of his tears off of his face. He was done crying, at least for now. Somehow, they'd ended up in a position where Zhongli was half-straddling him, half-pinning him to the back of the couch. In any other situation, Childe would've gotten flustered. Now, though, he was only thankful for how close the position let them be.

"Thank you," he whispered once he was certain that his voice wouldn't fail him. "I... I think I really needed to talk to someone about that."

"Of course," came Zhongli's reply, his voice smooth as silk as his hand continued to rub circles over Childe's back.

"You're the first person I've told, you know?" No one knew the whole story, not even the military officers that he'd talked to. Even then, he'd done his best to skim over the details to not get in too much trouble. He'd tried telling others, of course. He'd tried telling his parents, his older siblings, his friends. No one had bothered to listen. All they saw was that broken fourteen-year-old kid who'd seen too much and done too much. Zhongli was the first to actually know it all.

"I know," he whispered into Childe's ear. "I could tell. That must've been hard for you, to go for so long keeping something as big as that all to yourself."

He pressed into Zhongli's damp shirt again. Somehow, even though the fabric was stained with his own tears, the feeling was comforting. "It was. I- I almost thought I imagined it all. That I'd gone crazy and made it all up in my head and that's why no one would hear me out. I don't think I did, though." And again, with that empty laugh. "I was a wild kid, sure, but fourteen-year-old me wouldn't be able to come up with something like that."