On edge

Part 11

It was the last period of the day, and time seemed to go by slower than ever, as Nishikata couldn't help but think about the girl sitting next to him. 'Takagi, Takagi, TAKAGI! Why can't I stop thinking about you! Can't I catch a break just this once?' He looked at the clock again. 'Only four more minutes ... it felt like it's been fifteen since it was five minutes to go.' He sighed and looked up. 'Why must my Friday be like this?'

"Hey, Nishikata?" Takagi asked, causing Nishikata to look at her. "I was wondering ... are you free after school today? Or possibly this weekend?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because ... I wanted to know if we could do something you liked doing."

Nishikata began to blush. "Huh?"

"Well, Wednesday you asked if we could do something I liked ... so I was wondering if we could do something you like together."

"W-why?"

"Same as you, I want to try things you're interested in as well." She smiled and rested her chin on the backs of her hands. "Maybe ... we could get a little closer?"

Nishikata began to feel his insides begin to squirm as he forced himself to not say anything hastily. 'She wants us to do things together ... I want to as well but ... I can't until I get through this.' He looked away and shut his eyes. "I'm sorry but-"

"Why are you trying to shut me out?" She interrupted. "Do you really dislike hanging out with me that much now?"

"It's not that I dislike it, it's just that ... I ... can't today."

Takagi sighed and leaned back into her chair. "Is this something I'm going to have to come to terms with?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean for a few days now, you've been trying to ignore me in class more and more, now it's starting to feel like you don't want to hang out anymore."

"That's ... not true."

It was at that moment, the bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. "We'll talk about this later," Nishikata said before throwing his things into his bag.

"We're still friends, right?" Takagi asked.

"I ... yeah." He said awkwardly before rushing out the door. 'Damn it, I don't want to hurt her feelings ... Takagi ... but if I don't, then I'll end up falling in love with her.'

Back with Takagi, she was still sitting at her desk, staring blankly at the front of the class. 'I wish I knew what was going on with him.'

"Takagi?" Came a familiar voice. Takagi looked up to see her friend Takagawa looking at her with concern. "Is everything okay?"

"I don't know anymore." She said as she collected her things and stood up. "But I guess I'm a little worried that Nishikata might not want to be friends with me anymore."

Back with Nishikata, he was making his way home by himself, but he felt all forms of guilt. 'This sucks, why do I have to break her heart so much? Can't we just be friends again?'

The wind blew through the street, leaving him more than a little cold. 'It seems like we'll never get back to that point ... no matter what I do.' He pulled out his phone and brought up the picture of Takagi. "She's so beautiful ... I ... want to at least stay friends with her." He put his phone away and continued walking. "But it feels like that's going to have to go if I don't want to fall in love with her."

He continued walking as he shivered from the cold; it wasn't even winter, or even fall for that matter, but for some reason, Nishikata was freezing. "I ... wish I had brought a jacket."

It took him longer to reach his house than he had thought, and when he did, he quickly made his way up to his room and threw his blanket over his shoulders. "Why does it have to be so cold?"

He pulled out his phone and brought up Takagi's contact info. "If I want to keep myself from falling for her ... then I'd have to end our friendship ..." He looked at the 'delete' button and felt a tug in his chest. "If that really is the only way ..." He hovered his thumb over his phone screen, then paused for a moment. "I can't do it." He put his phone down and looked at the ceiling. "I just ... she's too important to me ... am I doomed?" He closed his eyes and began thinking. "What do I do?"

He sighed and began running over the pros and cons. 'Let's see, if I'm with her, then I'll definitely be teased more, so what? I'll still have her as a friend and I don't really mind it all that much at this point. I'll ...' He began to blush. 'Have a girlfriend ... which ... would be nice ... but ... she'd tease me more?' He shook his head. 'No, I already used that one ... it could ruin our friendship?' He let out a laugh and shook his head. 'Right, so instead of risking it, I'll definitely ruin it to avoid the risk, dumbest thing ever.' He continued trying to think but continued to come up blank. "Wait." He said as he shot up. "Why did I want to avoid a relationship in the first place?" He lied back down and began thinking back. 'At the start of this week ... when this all started ... what was my reasoning?' He continued to rack his brain until finally, it came back to him. 'THE DREAM! Yeah, that first dream, I had completely lost all sense of control ... wait ... I was happy in that dream.' He paused, feeling dumbfounded. 'In every dream over the past week, I was happy with her ... so then ... why did I want to avoid this so much?' He sat there and continued thinking, and continued coming up blank. 'Wait ... did I ... not have a reason?' His eye began to twitch as the realization hit him. 'I've been distancing myself from the girl I love for no reason!?' There was a long pause as he processed what he had just thought. 'I ... love her? But this feeling,' He sat up. 'It's no different than what I've been feeling all week ... but ... wouldn't that mean ...' His hands slowly clenched into fists. 'All this ... hurting my best friend ... and myself ... was not only pointless ... but futile?!'

'I told you.'

'SHUT UP!' He turned around and threw his fist into his pillow, and then proceeded to punch it repeatedly. 'I'M SO STUPID! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! MORON! SHORT-SIGHTED! ... STUPID!' He put his face into his pillow and began screaming. 'DAMN IT' He continued to scream some more until he calmed down a little. 'Damn it! ... damn it.' He sighed and relaxed a little. 'Completely pointless ...' He opened his eyes slightly and looked over his pillow. 'Oh, pathetic, that's another word.'