My Missed (Katha Series, 2)

My Missed

KATHA 02

My Missed

What do you call a relationship you never had but made you felt every emotion there is supposed to be in an existing one? Missed. What do you call a chance to admit feelings overwhelmed by embarrassment and made-up contentment? Missed. What do you call a time spent on wondering what-ifs and could have been? Missed. What could I call you – the person I had most laughs and cries with, considered me special and unique, and with the eyes who can speak much than what has to be said? My missed.

When a person has experienced something significant, however small or big, time will not be a hindrance to remember. We were on our senior year in high school, celebrating each day with a bang before college took fun away from us. I wasn't the cool, popular, and friendly one but he is. We are the exact opposites of each other but surprisingly, we get along really well. A recipe for a blossoming teenage love story that undeniably ends horribly, or so I thought.

"You're already beautiful in my eyes, but hearing you worry about me changed everything. Damn, Hannah. I can't help falling for you." His husky, bedroom voice in a phone call caused a triple tingle in my heart. He's not secretive about that but not blunt either. His sudden confession will not let me sleep later tonight.

It's those subtle, sometimes straightforward hints of adoration with no confirmation of where would this, whatever we feel, will take us. It doesn't matter to me, and I guess to him too, that we don't have a definite label. Maybe we're just shy to have "that" conversation or we're already content with each other's company. No matter what, I am glad we are in sync.

"In another life, I will make you stay. So, I don't have to say you were the one that got away..." Chynna's singing loudly, jamming to her connected Spotify application from phone to the HOA's 3-year-old speaker. Thankfully, the advertisement cut her off 12 seconds away from finishing the song. Guess free account has its perks, especially for old people that are now entering the clubhouse.

"Ugh, remind me to subscribe for the premium, Hannah." She said, scrolling through the right playlist for our visitors as we wait for the seats to fill up.

"I always do. But you don't really do anything about it." I nudged her as I exchange pleasantries to some of our seniors. We're volunteers of the Home Owners Association. I could use the weekend to take a rest of my classes but I really enjoy giving back to our small neighborhood. Besides, I had to assist my Aunt Adela, the president of the HOA.

"Why aren't the good things in life free?!" Chynna groaned. I laughed.

As the seats were near to be fully occupied, I started preparing the presentation for today's agenda: weekly cleaning drive. Whenever I observe our residents, I can't help but feel warm within. We were all busy in our own lives yet somehow, we allot an hour of our day to check in with other people. It may be because this subdivision was built recently after a tragic incident but it's crazy how a specific event could change one's perspective of life overnight. I wish this will stay for a long time.

My eyes travelled to the back, and then there I knew, my mind could be delivering me to another made-up alternate reality where he is within my reach. The same boy with a disheveled brown hair, deep black orbs that once bore into my soul, and of the same recognizable face from afar – one that I almost daily daydream myself with. Except that this time, he's a man with a hair long enough to be tied, of a muscular physique, and is carefully sitting a child beside him. Chynna brought me back to my senses. Aunt Adela has been calling my attention to officially start the meeting and in shock, Chynna assisted on my behalf. I went looking back at him and unlike my imagination, he's still there.