Stigmata

I am not a Pawn

The girl in the mirror was no longer a stranger, but it was still hard for me to recognize her as myself.

My hair fell down my back like ink, long and perfectly straight. I usually wore it in a tight ponytail to keep it out of my way as I did my chores, but I much preferred to wear it down so the ends reached my slender waist. Soon, I wouldn't need to worry about practicality and could wear it however I liked.

My skin was a healthy shade of golden brown. If not for the veil I wore for most of my life, it would likely be darker. My new face was much prettier than my old one had ever been, with full lips and high cheekbones. My nose was a bit big and my eyebrows a little strong, but it all balanced out well. Theophania's beauty had been a source of conflict in the novels, as was typical, but I couldn't help being a little proud of us.

My most striking feature was obviously my eyes. Large and round with upturned corners, they were an unnatural gold and glowed with strange light from within. Looking at them, it was easy to see why people believed I was cursed. If I recalled correctly, the members of the Acan royal family, the Albrechts, all had black hair and eyes. It made sense that mine would cause a bit of a stir, but throwing me away over them was too much, aiyah~.

Until recently, I was the only one who knew what this face looked like. Now, though...

I looked at the scattered papers on my desk. It took ages to learn how to write with a feather quill and my handwriting still left much to be desired, but there were things I needed to get down on paper. Not the plot of the novels, of course. I knew better than to leave anything like that lying around. I had no privacy in the monastery and didn't want to risk making my life any more complicated than it already was.

No, the papers on my desk were a thousand discarded drafts of a letter. Now that the novel's original plot had officially started, it was time to take things into my own hands. I refused to walk the path the novels had laid out for me.

Not for the first time, I thought it might be a good thing that I was Theophania, now. After all, I had the benefit of knowing the motivations and innermost thoughts of the other main characters. I understood why they treated the original Theophania the way they did, and could take steps to better my situation.

The letter would be the first.

I picked up the envelope that held the final draft—still not perfect, but I was running out of time—and left my small room behind. Scandalized whispers and prayers followed me as I walked through the halls with a steady pace and my head held high. Although the Archbishop made it clear to anyone who would listen that my eyes weren't cursed, it was hard to change old habits. I doubted anyone really believed him, but that wasn't my problem. I would be leaving these small minded fools behind soon, anyway, and exchanging them for new small minded fools in the Capital.

Aiyah~, this was going to be so tedious.

I followed the cobblestone path across the courtyard to the paladin training grounds. I rarely had a reason to head in this direction, but I knew the way well enough. All I had to do was follow the sound of metal striking metal. Navigating by sound was easy for me after so many years under the veil, but that left me woefully unprepared for the reality of the training field.

Suddenly, everything made sense. This was why the acolytes always fought over who got to clean the training ground. I, in my naïveté, thought it was just because of the men. Well, I wasn't wrong, but it wasn't just for the men. No, it was for the sweaty, shirtless, muscular men.

Muscles. Muscles everywhere.

My eyes reverted to their usual place and stared at the ground. My face burned with embarrassment and I almost turned around to leave before I stopped myself. My grip on the envelope in my hands tightened. Why was I embarrassed? I was an adult when my previous life ended. I knew what men looked like. Had life in the monastery made me sensitive to things like this? Aiyah~, I didn't have time for this. Get a grip, Theo!

"Your Highness? Did you need something?"

Ah! Ser Valerian, you're my savior!

I looked up at the red haired paladin as he approached me. Thankfully, he was wearing a shirt, though he was breathing heavily.

"Ser Valerian," I said with a curtsy. "I wanted to speak with you, if you have the time."

"You don't need to lower your head for me, Your Highness." Truth.

I smiled at him. "I know."

He looked a bit off put by my blunt answer. He was one of the few truly honest men in this monastery dedicated to the Goddess of Truth. When I spoke with him, I knew I wouldn't get zapped by lies. Returning his honesty was the least I could do.

"What did you need from me, Your Highness?" He finally said, changing the subject.

I put on a show of straightening out the slightly rumpled envelope. "You will be part of the Archbishop's escort when he leaves for the Capital this week, right?"

"I will." Truth.

"Will you be taking the Royal Road?"

"As far as I know." Truth.

"Then you will be passing by the Shay Duchy, right? If it isn't too much trouble," I paused in a display of hesitance before presenting the envelope to him. "Do you mind passing this on to the Duke? He's my uncle, on my mother's side, and I wanted to...appraise him of my situation before the rumors reached him."

Were the theatrics really necessary? Probably not. Ser Valerian was a good man who wasn't likely to turn down a request from anyone, not even me. I wasn't about to leave anything to chance, though.

He took the envelope.

"I see," he said slowly. His gaze lingered on the ink stains I left on my hands. My poor handwriting was hardly a secret and everyone knew I avoided writing when I could. The letter was therefore of extreme importance. "I will hand it to the Duke myself, Your Highness." Truth.

My smile became much more genuine as I waved my hands at the unexpected gesture. "Oh, no! You don't have to go that far—."

"I know." Truth.

I stared up at him, wide eyed. This man...Aiyah~, now I felt guilty for trying to manipulate him.

"Thank you, Ser Valerian. I knew I could count on you."

Several days later, when the Archbishop left the monastery, I was there to see him off. I couldn't leave without my father's permission, so I could do little more than wait. I saw Ser Valerian among the paladins and nodded to him when our eyes met.

Soon. Soon I would be leaving the monastery behind. When I did, I would need a solid foundation from which to grow my power in the Capital. I wouldn't be like the original Theophania, weak and dependent on our father for survival. That man wasn't worthy of the crown he wore, let alone my respect. Even so, he was one of the most powerful men in the country and my life.

Only Dilan Shay, Duke of Montferro, could match him. Luckily, Duke Shay was my uncle, my Saintess mother's older brother. Hopefully, my letter would pique his interest and I could take the next step of my plan.

I was Theophania, now, and I would not allow myself to become a powerless princess.