Midnight\\C.H.

...21...

"I made it," Cecil squeals in the backseat to her phone, "I will get to see Calum in less than 20 minutes and then I am going to give him the biggest hug and kiss. It's been so long," she sighs, "I can't wait to fall asleep in his arms."

I feel my stomach churn with jealously, wishing she would just shut the fuck up and unintentionally stop rubbing it in my face that she gets the man I love. A deep sigh releases from my lungs and Miles looks over at me. Thick disappointment rests on his face before his lips purse, exposing his chin dimple and he turns away from me, making me stomach hurt further.

I direct my attention out the window for the rest of the drive and wallow in my self pity, feeling like an idiot and real schmuck. As the woman in the backseat was landing to see her boyfriend after two weeks, I was screaming his name as he fucked me. Who have I become? I swallow as I hear Mikey's words; 'you know that's not fair to Cecil right?'

I take out my phone and text Calum, my heart hurting as my thumbs pound into my phone, but I know its the right choice to make. I can't do this while she is here. Professional only. I'm sorry. ❤️ I stare at my phone as I watch the message become delivered and then read, followed by three little dots. My heart pounds as I watch them, anticipating his response, then they disappear. No message sent.

I feel my oxygen leave my body and wonder if I just fucked everything up. Tears burn my eyes and I look out the window again, begging them to go away as I bite my lip to keep from crying. If I am going to suffer watching him with someone else then I need to shut off completely. I need to fully block my feelings and affection, so I will need space and distance to do that. I hope he can understand.

We arrive at the hotel and I wipe my eyes before getting out and assisting Cecil with her extra bags, Miles getting out to help me unload them. She continues to talk to make a story on Instagram before Miles grab my wrist, getting my attention.

"You know where to find me if you're not okay," he says softly before he lifts his hand to wipe under my eye and smiles gently, "mascara."

I feel my eyes water again, wondering why I have to love Calum and not someone like Miles. Why couldn't it have been better? If I had given him more time, would I have fallen further for him? Had I just put down the walls and stop focusing so much on comparing him to Calum, would we be together right now? I think about his kiss and how it did nothing for me, what if I had let this progress anyway; would his hands on my body or his bare skin gliding over mine change the way I felt?

I rid my mind of the idea, knowing its too late now anyways, and open Cecil's door; already pissed she is treating my like a fucking chauffeur. She ignores me but climbs out, watching her video before tapping on her screen. I walk over to her bags and she begins to head in, expecting me to trail her suitcase behind and carry her duffle bag.

I don't think so sweetie.

"Cecil," I call to her and then point to her luggage, Miles quickly walking away to get back into the car.

"Oh, god," she fake laughs, "I totally forgot. Sorry."

"No worries," I mumble as I take her duffle bag.

"I'm just so excited to see Calum, ya know? I've missed him so much."

"I bet," I say, not even trying to hide that I don't give a shit.

"I just can't wait to kiss him," she continues, making me want to drill screws into my ears, "I love this thick lips. They're as soft as they look," she purses her lips and looks at me knowingly, like she's bragging about something I'll never get to know about.

"Cool," I say as I press the button for the elevator.

"Did they have a busy day?" She asks me as we wait.