It's now morning and I'm walking out the hotel
Room bathroom as Jackson is still asleep. If I'm behind completely honest I feel bad. The sex last night was great don't get me wrong, however I just feel like it was a bad move. I don't regret it but I just can't stop thinking of Edwin.
What he does was wrong what I did was not but it feels so wrong. I feel like I betrayed Edwin's trust and we aren't even together. He betrayed my trust and lied to me over and over again. I miss him I really do and I love him that's nothing new. But if I go back to him doesn't that make me weak? I mean he has hurt me and I can't just forgive him?!
I want to. But I can't , this time away from each other is good but it's not solving anything. It's not solving our problems that need to be addressed. We would have to talk which makes me question how he feels. Does he even really care? Does he miss me or has he moved on to whatever. I haven't talked to him at all all I do it read his text that he would send.
He doesn't even do that anymore. All his calls stopped. The messages coming in through the day , stopped. He isn't trying anymore. I can't be mad at him for that but it worries me that he completely is done with me. But I'm done with him, I don't wanna be done with him. I don't trust him fully but he can gain my trust back in the future.
If we do talk and decide to start over and start us again. How am I gonna trust him? How am I gonna know he won't lie again or betray me again. I don't know that and that's a risk I would have to take if I really want us to work out and that scares me.
I would have never thought he'd do that. We were best friends forever and he has never did anything along these lines to me before.
But we start doing this whole romantic thing and he fucks it up. When you're in love with someone you don't hurt them. Edwin has now made me question everything he said to me or did. I have lots of thinking to do.
He wakes up and we make eye contact. He bites his lip "good morning" he says "good morning" I sit on the bed "I seen you over thinking real damn hard" he sits up "every thing okay?" He scoots closer and I sigh "no" I shake my head "wanna talk about it" he ask "yes and no"
He smiles "talk to me" he says "I had a great time yesterday I did and last night" he chuckles "but?" He ask "but it felt wrong" I mumble "did I do something" he ask "no no no" I shake my head "it's just-" he cuts me off "you're in love with Edwin , I get it" he says "more like dangerously in love"
I look at him "listen I didn't come here to try and win you over or get with you , last night just happened and I understand if you don't wanna carry on" he says "I didn't come expecting to date , I came to meet you and have a good time" he adds "if Edwin is who you want then go get him" he nudges me lightly "I feel bad"
He shakes his head "don't" he gives me a smile "it's okay , I promise all good" he nods "we're still gonna hang out everyday for the next week" he says "oh yeah 100%" I nod "I say we go out and get breakfast and then something fun" he says "escape room? If you can handle that" I say. He smirks "Jokes on you Imma beast at escape rooms"
(Edwin) (one week later)
"I don't care to do it" I complain again and again "what you mean you don't care? This song needs to be done by Friday" Brandon says "I don't gotta be in it" I shrug "you're in the band" Austin says "I'll do my part just not right now" I tell them "you been saying that for a week now" Zion says
"Guys I just don't feel like it" I say "we know but you gotta stop being so down" Nick side eyes me "how do you expect me to just jump back into things like nothing else is going on" I ask "cause this is your fault" Brandon points at me "yeah I know you guys have been telling me that for a week" I roll my eyes "you haven't heard not one word from Najah"
I shake my head "nothing" I sigh. I'm so lost without her. Knowing she's pissed off at me just pains me. I don't know if she's hurting or if she moved on I have no idea. I just wanna talk to her and apologize over and over until she hopefully forgives me if that even happens. I also have to talk to Payton and just also apologize for cheating.
I feel really bad for what I did. I fucked it up with two great girls in the same day. I really hope I can fix this all real real soon.
"Let's do this song to try and get your mind off things for a bit" Zion suggest and I stand up "yeah uhh okay I'll do it" I stand up and walk into the booth "you remember your verse and all right" Nick ask and I chuckle lightly before nodding and putting the headphones on "yeah I remember it"
(Najah)
"Drive safe" I smile at Jackson as he sits in his car in front of my house. Last night he stayed at my place for the final night he stays. I had a great week with him I mean we spent all day everyday together beside the times he would see his friends but that was barely. We did a lot. Watched movies , took him to places I like. Got dinner one evening.
Went out to all types of places. I mean I feel like I explored more than I ever have and it was only one week. Kinda sucks he's leaving today. "I will" he says "call me when you get home too" I add "will do" he nods "thank you for this whole week , I had a lot of fun" I thank him "oh thank you , you made this visit amazing , we'll have to do it again"
I nod "deal" I say and plant a kiss on his cheek "also keep me updated on that boy of yours" he starts his car "I will" I back up away from the cat "bye Najah" he says and waves "bye Jackson and remember to call" I point at him and he smiles at me before driving off.
