In White Robes

Chapter 21 - After So Long [Ending]

Eventually we grew tired of running, knowing that we'd created enough distance between us and the facility. That trapdoor had been placed behind a gathering of trees, surrounded on all sides, trapped there. Resting forever in the ground—a memory of our prison cells.

There was no time to think about what happened. All we knew was that we were safe. The blue sky above our heads could not hide behind the canopy of the forest—or at least I thought it was a forest. It must have been a big one because it seemed to go on forever.

Tabby and I laid our backs to the dirt, staring up at the world that felt like ours, clasped in our hands and eternally shining above our heads. At last we could breathe. Just stop, gaze, and breathe. Side by side, caring about nothing more than our new freedom.

Well, not nothing for me.

Avery's face rattled my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about how easily he gave in to death, how he just stood there and waited as the fire wrapped around him. Consumed him. It truly would haunt me for the rest of time. I didn't think I'd be able to move on from it.

I was freed from these thoughts when Tabby's arm wrapped around my neck, and he pulled me closer to him. There was an instance of quiet tension between us, and then he spoke.

"It's gonna be okay," he told me, rubbing my arm. "Give it some time. I know that's not the outcome you wanted—I didn't want it either—but it'll be okay. I'm here." His face turned to me, the black mark on his cheek seemingly waving at me. But there was kindness written all over him. A sweet feeling of relief came over me when I saw his smile.

"Thank you," was all I said as I pulled myself into his arms. Accepting his comfort. Accepting him. We laid there on the forest floor for a while, bodies intertwined for hours, freedom breathing in our lungs.

Tabby's hold had lulled me to sleep; I found myself falling into another dream.

This time I can see the young Kay's face clearly. He is smiling. There is no ocean. No chains. I'm free and so is the second Kay. The second me.

We are looking at each other now, outside of someone's home, staring deep into one another's souls but I can't seem to find answers within the child. It's like he's empty. But not like Larson, not like Koko or Avery. He is empty because I feel that he isn't truly here. I begin to think that maybe this child never existed. Not to me. I don't remember him, can't remember myself, but I know what he is.

He is me. I am him.

I reach out and take his hand. He looks confused, like he's never felt someone's touch before. My touch. But I do not let go. I hold on as a sudden fire breaks out behind him, cutting into him, burning him. Killing him.

He does not smile as he loses his young life. He does not look satisfied. There is anger in his face. His death brings rage upon his soul, and the screams fill my head. As he is taken away from me, I hesitate. Afraid. Confused. Now looking down at my wrists.

The fire had grazed me, the true me, and my hands bled black. I held my bloody fingers up to my face, staring in between them, toward the inferno. Toward the dying child, crushed by flame and debris. Toward a memory that did not belong to me.