Little Roe (Peaky Blinders)

Guilt

(Tommy's P.O.V.)
Leaves drifted to the side after getting kicked up by Blue eye her hooves. She had a loose rein as she took me and Roe home. She let out a big yawn and laid her head against my chest before dozing off. It was getting late after all. The sun had already set and the moon was lighting up the road home. I let out a relaxed sigh and closed my eyes. I felt Roe shiver from the cold temperature and lean in closer. I pulled my coat off before placing it over her so she could warm up. Then Blue Eye lifted her head and her ears perked up. I carefully leaned forward, not wanting to wake up Roe, and grabbed the reins. "What is it, girl?" I asked her as I noticed she was troubled about something. She was snorting and was looking around frantically. I halted the mare and looked around as well. Desperately trying to figure out what was happening. Blue Eye let out a fearful neigh and shook her head. I knew she wanted to go immediately, but I kept her from moving cause I needed to figure out which way was safer. My eyes scanned through the thick tree line but the mist in the woods made it difficult to see far. Then I saw some movement in the trees. I turned Blue Eye towards it and nudged her forward by clicking my tongue. But she was not having it and protested by slightly rearing up. Not enough to throw me and Roelynn from her back, just enough to not move forward. Again I saw movement in the tree line and my heart immediately began thumping faster. Then suddenly a figure walked out from the trees. My eyes went wide as I saw that he had a gun raised at us. "Blue! Go!" I shouted at the mare and spurred her on into a gallop. A gunshot filled the air around us, barely missing us. Roelynn abruptly sat up in a panic. It was so quick and so unexpected that she was starting to slide from Blue's back. "Daddy!" She shrieked as she tried holding on. My arm rapidly wrapped around her and pulled her back so she wouldn't fall off. Her hands directly grabbed hold of my dress shirt. "You're okay. You're okay" I reassured her but also myself. Another bullet got fired off and I flinched as it flew past my head. "Come on, darling" I encouraged the horse to go faster.

Blue Eye was performing at her best as she tried getting us home. Her hooves made a thundering sound as she ran faster. Sweat was starting to form on her neck and foam filled her mouth. A second person stepped onto the road and aimed their gun. I steered Blue away just before we got shot. I knew that we were being hunted down like dogs and I had to find a way out. I ducked to avoid the low-hanging branches. But some still managed to hit me in the face. I winced in pain as I felt some cut my cheek slightly. I looked back to the front and directly yanked on the reins. "Woah" I said to Blue instructing her to stop. She halted immediately before we would fall down the steep ridge. "Dammit" I cursed under my breath as I realized we couldn't possibly go down this way. I looked around for another route. "Daddy, I want to go home" Roe cried out scared. "I know, baby" I responded trying to reassure her, "I'll get us home". I turned Blue around and told her to gallop again. Successfully we found a good path to take. Relief filled my veins as Blue ran across the road. I could see the lights from Small Heath softly light up the night sky through the leaves and branches of the trees. Seeing the glow of the lights was a great thing to see. "Come on, sweetheart. We're almost home" I said to the mare and a relieved smile formed on my face. Then a shot echoed from behind me. It wasn't loud and I could barely hear it. The sound that filled my ears reminded me of a sound that traveled through seawater. Suddenly Blue makes a death-defying neigh. Then there was that feeling that you know what's about to come and every rider knows that feeling all too well. I see Blue Eye's shoulder from this one angle where I am looking up at the mane and that’s when I know there’s no way of catching my balance. I don't have time to think about Roe or what made us fall before I hit the ground. It knocks the wind out of me and I lie on the ground. Until my lungs decide to reinflate a couple of minutes later, giving me a full, deep breath. I writhe around on the ground in pain, as the bruises are already forming on my body from the various rocks which strategically hit me in my soft spots. I try and push myself to my side. But I couldn't and let out a blood-curdling scream. I lift my head to look around. I see Blue Eye hastily stand up from the ground. From the wounds that covered her body, I knew that she had fallen over as well. She was breathing rapidly as she stood still not wanting to move a muscle. She wasn't putting pressure on her left front leg and I noticed blood dripping down her leg. A bullet had penetrated her skin and left a gaping hole in her left shoulder. Then my mind filled with another thought, Roe. I looked around for my child and saw her laying on the ground not far from Blue Eye. "D..a..dd..y" I heard her mumble in pain. "I'm here" I tell her as I move. My face contours in pain as I push myself up to my feet. But before I could steady myself. I start seeing in black and white, with patches and flashes of color. My hearing sounds like the world is down a drainpipe - through an echoing tube. And before I know it I fall back down to the ground. Everything around me goes in slow motion. My ears pick up the faint sound of pebbles crunching underneath a pair of shoes. I turn my head and even with my blurry vision I see someone walk up towards us. "Don't" I snarl as I see him bend down next to Roelynn. He ignores me and picks up Roe, who lets out an agonizing scream. He ignores me and turns around. Fear and anger consume my veins and I push myself up. I let a furious yell that gives me the power to stand up. My vision got clearer and I charged towards the man holding my child. The pain shoots through my body, right before I could reach them. My hand instantly reached up to the place where the pain broke out. My hand was soon covered in crimson blood. I looked up to see the man holding Roe with a gun in his hand. I fall to my knees as I reach a hand out at Roe. The last thing I see was Roe reaching out to me as well before darkness consumes me.

My eyes snap open and I gasp for air. I move to my side and start coughing up blood while I scream out Roe's name. But I quickly stop as I hear no response from her. I look around desperate to see some sign of Roe but there was nothing. The only thing I could see was Blue Eye still standing a couple of meters away from me. With much force, I make myself stand up. I limp towards her and wince at every step I take. I arrive and grab a hold of the reins and put my head against hers before apologizing. Together with Blue Eye I start to walk home. Then the overwhelming sadness and despair wash over me.

And I can't help to feel guilty because I failed to protect my child. Guilt is the source of sorrow. The avenging fiend that follows you behind with whips and stings.

Published: 3rd of December 2021