Chapter 9
Frank’s POV
First, second, and third period go by in the blink of one of my scarlet eyeliner-rimmed eyes. I can’t focus on my work. All I can think about is the fact that I’m going to Gerard’s house after school. What will we talk about?? Will he bring up that random hug I gave him in the hospital? What if it’s so awkward that we never talk again afterwards? My nails are chewed down to stubs by the time lunch rolls around. I’m incredibly excited to hang out with Gerard, yet I’m so nervous that I want to throw up. I’ve never felt this way for anyone before.
As I sit down at the usual lunch table, my friends give me strange looks. Pete doesn’t look at me. “Hey, guys,” I say awkwardly, setting my tray down. I take a swig of water, avoiding eye contact with them.
“So, you’re gay?” Ray blurts.
“Don’t worry, man. We totally support you.” Bob adds.
I choke on my water. “W-What??!” I splutter. Pete hits me on the back, making water squirt out of my nose. I cough violently as water splatters onto my Black Flag hoodie.
“Come on, dude. Yesterday you said-” Bob begins.
“That I don’t like girls, I know.” I sigh, wiping water off my face. Next to me, Pete snickers quietly.
“What?” I ask, irritated. Why does everyone think I’m gay?? I’m not! Well, actually… I really don’t know. It feels weird to admit it to myself.
“Come outside with me,” Pete replies, standing up. I frown in confusion, but I get up and follow him anyways. We weave through the commons and out the front doors.
“Smoke?” Pete offers, fishing a pack out of his pocket.
“Thanks.” I take a cigarette and light it with my Zippo. “So, why did you drag me outside?”
Pete takes a deep drag on his cigarette, lips curved into a small smile around it. He seems to have cheered up a lot since this morning. “No particular reason.” he says vaguely.
“Fucking tell me!” I whine. Pete’s never like this. We’ve been friends for years. Pete trusts me, and he tells me everything.
“I’m just…” Pete looks down at his beat-up Converse. “I’m just really happy you’re gay.”
I begin to cough violently again, just like I did with the water. I can practically feel cigarette smoke coming out of my nose. “What do y-you m-mean?” I choke, my eyes watering and voice raspy from inhaling too much smoke.
Pete laughs and shakes his head. “You’re so fucking weird sometimes.”
I punch his arm playfully. “Shut up.” Inside, my head is spinning. He’s happy that I’m gay? But why??
Wait… I just admitted to myself that I’m gay. My stomach tingles a little at the thought. I’m… I’m gay.
“So, er, why does that make you happy?” I ask.
Pete responds by leaning close and placing his cigarette to my lips. I widen my eyes in surprise, but I take a drag from his cigarette anyways. Pete watches me with half-lidded, seductive eyes. And… oh god. His hand is on my hip. What the hell???
“Because I like boys, too.” he whispers. Then he pulls away and walks off, leaving me confused as hell with my best friend’s cigarette dangling from my lips.
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Gerard’s POV
“We need po ‘di latte, e pane, e coca…” Mikey mutters under his breath as he tosses random food items into the shopping cart. I wrinkle my nose in distaste. I hate this place. It smells like merda, there’s way too many people, and the lighting is harsh and makes my skin prickle uncomfortably. Artificial light isn’t a danger to me, but it makes me feel vulnerable and exposed.
