to whoever is reading this, idk why you are lol it's just gonna be me writing whatever has been bothering me and a decent amount of complaining and pain
if i were you i'd leave but if you wanna stay you're welcome to
i just needed a place to put things and i'm done hiding it from everyone. so if you wanna know, here you go. if you don't, see you later. i don't care either way.
fuck
i just..
i wanna hold on to the good.
i'm trying to move on but it's so, so so hard...
my life has never been so absolutely fucked
i've never been sad for so long. never had these highs and lows before. never wanted to die before so badly. i don't want to go into it. shit happened and it's been a struggle. every day is a damn struggle that i wanna lose so badly but i don't want to give in
honestly it's all just been horrible ever since july. i thought it would get better and then it got worse. therapy helps but i unfortunately got my best friend 'rona awhile ago and missed it for two weeks which also helped set me back. last week i spiraled almost every day. my next therapy session is going to be rough next week.
i never thought i'd be living from one therapy session to the next, one day to the next. every day, every hour, every minute feels like a struggle to survive. like i might just slip and actually jump out a window or actually go insane. i'm tired of hurting i'm tired of pain and i'm tired of being treated like i'm evil. all i've ever done is cared about people and the past couple of months have proven to me that it's more work to care than it is to not. that doesn't mean i'm going to stop. but it does hurt.
this is the lowest point of my life. it has been for awhile now. i've kept relatively silent for awhile but as my followers you're welcome to know if you want.
honestly i just want this out here so that if i die y'all know why lol
whether you guys care or not my life has been really shitty lately but i'm trying to work past it real bad
i've been getting better and then reversing. it's been a process. once im fully better i'd like to write something on my journey through all this. but for now i hope some people will come to join me. if not, then i'll walk alone lolz
i just made it through a trigger song and i'm really proud of myself
there are so many. but i mean i did it.
i got mad at someone really important to me today. i think i was justified but also made me mad that i was mad
i wanna be bright. i wanna be shining. i wanna be happy again
i definitely didn't expect i'd be 18 and crying in my dorm room all the time. i didn't expect my response to be picking up the bottle when i'm upset. i didn't today, by the way. proud.
anyway
i'm sure a lot of people can relate to the feeling of not being happy
and for the first time in my life i don't have any comforting words to say because i'm there too
all i can say is that i'm going to keep fighting
and i hope anyone out here struggling does too
life is beautiful but it's also so cruel
and i want to stay here for the beauty even if it's hard even if it takes everything out of me
it takes a lot to be bright. i've had it fizzled out of me but i'm not going to stay down...
it's been five months and i'm still here. i feel like i'm not moving far but i'm trying
all i can do is try, right?
please take breaks if you guys need them.
nothing is more important than your mental. i mean that so much.
when people get you down all you can do is get back up...
