Sometimes, I wondered if it was hard for her…the status of her life and what she had become, but as I stared at the window directly in front of my view I was entranced at the little bird that was perched on the tree branch. Its feathers were gray and its little curious head kept moving from side to side as if assessing its surroundings. The bird, its legs resembling twigs, did little turns, throwing its whole body in a twitchy movement, that I couldn’t help but stare since it arrived—completely in sync with J’s entrance.
She too seemed twitchy, traveling around the room, fingering and touching my figurines I had collected throughout the years. Occasionally she’d exclaim, “Aw, look at this, it’s a tiny elephant.” I did look as she grazed its trunk and placed it on her delicate hands. It looked different as she intently swiveled it in her view, almost exotic, but as soon as she plopped it down it became the same old elephant I purchased in a garage sale.
Finally she travelled towards the sofa and sat down, her head dangling on the back for a few.
“Your home is lovely,” she said.
“Thank you,” I replied as the bird outside had its back to us. “But I bet yours is much more…” I tried for the right word. “Exquisite.”
She only smiled and rested her elbow behind her head and began, “So what have you been doing with yourself?”
And so we talked, engaging ourselves in new and old anecdotes, even though we communicated through email, quite often. Serving iced tea and little snacks we laughed and remembered all the things we did in our childhood and I once again saw her for who she was--herself. At this moment, her name wasn’t dragged by all astronomical accomplishments and all the people she dated and mingled around with but the person I used to go trick-or-treating, karaoke, sleepovers, pranks and just utter childhood fun.
“What brings you around this part of town?” I finally asked. I wanted to insert ‘the world’ instead of ‘town’ but I bit my tongue at the last minute. The bird had flown off leaving the branch bare for a periodic time. It landed once again, a worm sticking out of its beak. It was meticulously chewing on its food as if that was the most important thing in the world. Perhaps it was.
“Can’t I visit a friend?” She laughed and wiggled her eyebrows. Ha, the funny thing was she never did, not until I unexpectedly opened the door to see her with gigantic sunglasses on and her smile, reticently spreading on her face.
“You can’t! And have the paparazzi on here!?” I joshed.
She laughed and laughed, clutching her stomach. This made me wonder…if she laughed like that in a long time, if anyone ever saw her laugh. But watching J put her hands up in surrender, I pushed those thoughts away.
It was good to see her.
After the laughter died down, I asked her the one question that I wanted the answer to. “Are you happy?”
“What?” She had tucked her legs under her, making herself much more comfortable.
“Yeah?” I stood and deposited our glasses and plates in the sink. From this view, I could see the life of other neighbors, cars whizzing by, children coming from school, unaware that a big name was just feet away. “Y’know? You said that once you were famous you were going to live it up and be incredibly happy? So I was wondering…”
“Oh Nee. That was child-talk!” I had come over to her voice, taking glances at her figure and the bird that had its head to the side practically hearing and expecting J’s answer, like I was.
She snorted and pushed away hair that had fallen on her face. I was still waiting and instantly felt a shift in the air and her voice. “Life is never meant to be easy. It’s not always happy either.”
“So, you’re not,” I slowly said, unsure of the rapid turn-around.
She sighed. “Of course I am! Aren’t you?”
“Well yeah. I love my job, it’s very rewarding.”
She laughed and shook her head. “What?”
“I’m sorry, but how can little kids with snot and diapers and poop be rewarding?” She scoffed and then grabbed the throw pillow that was behind her back. She fluffed it up a bit and I watched, not entirely sure what to make of this.
“How could they not?” I countered. “Sure it might be a bit, err gross but it’s filled with this sense of learning and astonished wonderment that is so much more rewarding that I could ever put in words. They are new little b-beings, with so much potential and beauty it’s ah-amazing!”
She raised her eyebrow and muttered, “If you say so.” I wanted to correct her, wanted to say how dare she say that me, as if deeming me in such a way I’ve never felt before. The ‘her’ that she showed me was gone and now I saw the person that had been in this lime-light for so long that maybe she’d rid of some of those empathetic feelings that she once had to stay strong in that industry.
I asked her another thing, “If you had the chance to redo your life, would you not be who you are today?” I stared at her, taking her in whole as her eyes steadied on mine. She knew that there was seriousness in my voice, my stance that this wasn’t a light conversation.
“No. This life opened so many doors for me. And I like being in front of people’s eyes. They respect me and admire me because I genuinely love what I do.”
I nodded. “You must have so many people behind you with so much support that it’s a bit inspiring.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She gritted.
“What it means,” I stated. “Like I do, like everyone does, having that bubble of people that adore you for you and not your career.”
She paused and raked her hand into her hair. “Yeah…”
I smiled. “Good.”
When the time pushed into the evening and I showed her out and we said goodbye, I came into the living room exhausted by her visit. J was always going to be a friend, no matter the words we exchanged but the roads of life had put us in a fork, maybe they’d meet somewhere.
I looked over to window and saw that the little gray bird had gone, perhaps onto a sturdier branch, where its weight didn’t matter, one where the branch didn’t strain downward, like it did on this one.
