I was—am—tiiiiired. I cannot even get up from this position in which I'm under and you on top, always on top. Can't you see it? You who can see every dip, high, root, tip, every grain of sand cannot see how utterly bored I am. It was always the same insensately thing, a motionless thing that wants to have some spontaneity. I want to scream out my lungs and throw them at your face, a mess of blood and gore. Let it flop to the ground, its final beatings furiously at work, will you hear it then?
Can you sense it? You must, you must, right...deep in that core of yours you might know I no longer invest in this speck of a thing. It used to be shinny, y'know. So shinny and truly stellar like the mysterious waves that I was engulfed in. Where did it all go, the discovering of new things?
I wish you could be a vast, endless ocean, most of it unexplored, so I could go into your brininess and search. Search, find, explore and still that would not be enough. I'd find ruins of items—precious things that will make me appreciate you. I want to appreciate you as an entirety body of water...but would it be satisfaction? The funny (not so funny) thing is that I know that if you reverted or transformed into that unknown, it would not be something that would tie me down.
Myself, I know a minuscule of myself, so I can see just as you lay down, trying to mesh yourself with me that it would not occur. It will not. We are not interconnecting, did we ever...maybe I was fooling myself with the hope that I'd find treasure. I am chortling but it is true, we all want to desperately find treasure.
I wonder...I wonder...are you doing the same?
I don't say or ask any of this, of course. I do not leave, I do not sway away from your anchor, into a ravenous river or a pattering pond or any of the sort, we keep swimming in that same old school. (If you were to ask me why...well...I would stumble for an answer but I believe it probably has to do with the security of it.)
Taking you in, I rake my hands through your familiarity and insert my wish through a whisper on a nearby cracked shell; possibly you can see me as a dull body of water and finally swim away.
