thoughts

Feelings i guess.

I wanna feel something again. And not just anger, sadness and maybe happiness. I just don't know how it works anymore. My brain is fucked up. I feel nothing, even if I try really hard. I really want to feel strong emotions again. I wanna love somebody, like really love somebody and I dont want to just think that I love someone. I dont wanna guess my feelings anymore, i want to feel them and express them. But there is nothing. Nothing to hide, feel or express. I wanna hug someone again and feel comfortable. I really just want to feel something all the time and not just at certain times when my feelings decide to come out. I really try to feel something, but it just doesn't work. And I don't even know why. My feelings decided to head out a while ago and decide to come back for a few minutes every now and then. But why aren't they there all the time? Most people probably wish to feel nothing, but it isn't that nice anymore if u really cant do that anymore. I just want my fucking feelings back. Even if that means that I'll be sad most of the time, i just want them back. I would take any feeling I get. That is the reason why i literally can't talk about my feelings and emotions, cause most of the time there are none. It just feels numb. Nothing else. Nothing. Emptiness. And why should I talk about something that isn't there most of the time? That would make no sense. I just want the numbness to end. I dont care how, I just want my feelings back. I would do anything just to feel something again. I sometimes try to guess what I would feel in some moments, but I just get headaches from doing that. So I just stop. I know i can't feel anything at some times and I can't guess the feelings either, so I just stopped thinkimg about it. I hate it when people ask me what I feel, cause I just don't know, doesn't matter how hard I try. So I get mad or frustrated at them. I just don't talk about feelings.