Pain was my Pleasure

2

2 years before the part 1

𝑆𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑎

Nothing mattered more than getting the second job. My debt (actually not mine but my families debt that I was now responsible for) was building rapidly. Working at the law firm wasn't enough and the stress keeps getting worse. Stress is a toxic thing for me, when I'm stressed I can't eat, drink, sleep or do anything really.
It was three in the morning and, my alarm has just gone off. I hadn't slept all night, just tossing and turning like always, afraid of the dreams that haunted me. Getting up, I stripped out my father's shirt (the only thing that for comforted me that was connected to my family) and I jumped into the shower. The water scolded my skin, it made me feel pure like the fucking ugly sins of the past had been scrubbed away. But then as soon as I stepped out, it all flooded back. All the memories, all the past hurts, it just lingered like a bad smell on a cold winters day.

Ignoring the feeling to throw up everything I have ever eaten, I applied my moisturiser feeling the slimy liquid coat my skin and put my gym clothes on. The tight Leggins hugged all my ugly curves and fucking thick thighs. I absolutely hated my body every inch of me is just broken, broken because people have shattered me and I have still to recover. 

I started to jogs out my apartment block but,  i noticed the several black Range Rovers lined up in a neat little row off the main road.  Nothing like that ever occurred in my neighbourhood so, to see this here, it perplexed me. Again ignoring the feeling to empty my stomach, i continued to jog down the down the street to the gym.

I was done finally. My thighs ached, my arms were weak, my head was pounding after the two hour gym session I just achieved. When I feel accomplished, my body feels banging and ready for the next challenge I have to put myself through. To be honest, working at my new job, would be one of the most difficult challenges I've ever had to face.

When I was growing up, it was hard for me to be able to experience the experiences other children had and it really put a hold on my life. My relationship with my parents was never the greatest; my mum wasn't ever really my mum, she just didn't  feel like it, my father was never someone in my life as he lived abroad and I never saw him but my mum worked hard for giving me the best opportunities.  Until the day it all went wrong.... when my father came back. 

Leaving us shattered and empty.