afraid. [ angst+smut+sanegiyuu ]

fallen : pt 4

Giyuu got sick, and got worse everyday. He couldn't walk and move alot. Kanao checked up on him every week, and gave him medicine but he never seemed to get better. I slept next to him each night, making him breakfast and his favorite foods. I noticed that he hasn't been eating as much as he used to. My worries got worse as the days flew by.

At night, I couldn't sleep. I would hear giyuu cry and whimper. ( not in a sexual way I'm talking about u eren. 🤬 ) I wanted to go check, but that would only make giyuu more worried about me doing all this stuff for him. I wanted to go and comfort him. Like we used to do. Now, when you touch him, he says it feels like it's burning and it hurts a lot. When the crying stopped, thats when I get sleep.

" Giyuu! I made your favorite today, atleast I tried to. " He let out a soft chuckle, and smiled weakly.

" Thank you sanemi. " giyuu stared at it, and then at me. " Can you leave? Not in a mean way, but I'd like some privacy. "

" I wanna see you enjoy my food at least once, please? " He agreed, but I had to promise that I only got to watch him just this once. I made sure he ate every last piece of food. He needs to stay healthy, I can't let him die just yet. This can't be his fate. We talked about pointless things, and laughed. When he was done eating, I sat in the chair beside his bed. I held his hand, and he flinched. I knew it hurt, I went through similar when I was recovering from the final battle. My organs were crushed, and every touch hurt.
What was he dealing with? I wanted to know. Kanao wouldn't tell me, and she looked off whenever I asked. All she said was to not worry as much. Somethings wrong. Definitely. I wanted to know if he was gonna live. Kanao wouldn't tell me any of that.

××××

Giyuus perspective

I should just let myself die. Every thing hurts, and I'm only making it harder for sanemi. I'm relying on him too much. I stopped eating, and today was the only day I actually ate a full meal, just for sanemi. My eyes could barely stay open, and my body felt lifeless. It hurt so much to move a few inches. Why am I still alive? What's holding me back? If I died, sanemi wouldn't have to do all this and waste his lifetime taking care of me. He should just forget and do the fun things. I could care less about myself. At night, I would have dreams of Sabito and Tsusako. I missed them so much, I felt so much guilt. Thinking of them made me cry and I couldn't sleep for days. I was a mess. When I dreamt of them, their embrace felt warm and fuzzy. It was like a mothers touch. I couldn't help but melt in their arms. It didn't hurt to touch me, it just felt so comforting. I can't keep on doing this. Why couldn't I die when I slept? Something kept me from living my last moments when I wanted to die.

××××

I sat in my bed, staring at the wall for hours. There's nothing I can do, I can't do the things I used to. I'm slowly getting better, and I can take a walk to see the garden but I have to go back. The garden is so beautiful, the living creatures all uniting to keep the order of this world in place. I remember when I saw a bird, it landed next to me. It stayed there, and tried to follow me to my room. It flies to my window every now and then. I always keep it open, so it can come in. I give it some of the food I didn't eat at dinner sometimes. It's feathers were soft to touch, it chirped. It sounded happy. It reminds me of sanemi, with that soft smile of his.

××××

The sun rises, and a new day begins. Sanemi brings me my breakfast, and I signal him to go away. He sits outside my door, I can hear him. I know he's worried about me. I try to eat, but it seems wrong. I'm sick and it feels like I'm about to die everyday. Everyone visits, and sanemi doesn't mind just as long as their gentle with me. Tanjiro gave me a handkerchief with my name engraved onto it. Tengens wives gave me sweets, and I felt bad cause I couldn't eat them. I can't eat would foods due to my condition. I felt happy whenever they visit, especially when sanemi visits. Sometimes I wonder if sanemis smile is the last thing i'll see.

I imagine my death, many times. I wonder how I'm gonna die. I think of all the possible ways I may end up dying. Tsusako, Sabito. I'm gonna meet you soon aren't I? I chuckled to myself.

Sanemi spends most of his time talking and laughing with me. He shows me his improvement in his writing & reading skills. He's getting better each day, and I'm proud. Sometimes he brings me to the garden and makes me messy flower crowns. It doesn't really look like one, but he says it is. I try to spend time with him as much as I can, before I die that is. I know I'm gonna die, Kanao told me. There's no cure, that's why Kanao never told sanemi. Sanemi wouldn't react nicely. I worry that he knows what's going on. It's a secret that only me and Kanao know. We're cautious when we talk about it when she visits, since we know sanemi tries to eavesdrop. I don't want him to find out.

Tanjiro started visiting me more, and sat with me and sanemi. He talked with us for a while, and went back to his house since it was getting dark. I wonder if Kanao told him about my condition, he sounds more worried than usual. I know he has a keen sense of smell, can he smell that I'm really sick? I don't want more people to worry. With all that Sanemi is doing for me, if Tanjiro knows what's happening to me, then he's gonna start doing the same.

××××

Author's note!! :

Hii! I would like to thank meiko, eren, sage, azra, and mela!! They helped me alot mentally and gave me motivation. Thank you guys for supporting me. Azra, I know you don't like this ship as much, sorry about that. It's one of my favorites!! and meiko, I love you!! Thank you for staying with me, and you too eren. You're so funny, I love talking with you. And sage, thank you for comforting me when I vented. I really needed that. <3

Word count: 1159