Something about getting peppered with kisses all over your face, just seems so.. Romantic? Sweet? Safe? The thought of it makes my heart beat so much.
I've always thought of kisses as a form of love, reassurance on how they'll always love you, no matter what. An appreciation of your very being, your face, your body. Platonic or romantic.
Or maybe, I'm just lonely?
Maybe I am.
The thought of people actually giving me genuine, love and affection seems so unreal.
I've grown up in a household where physical love (or any form of love and emotional bonding) isnt really shown that much.
So, I guess, I really am lonely.
Touch starved.
So desperate for genuine love, whether that be platonic or romantic.
It's sad, I know. But I can't really help it, can I?
All I've got for comfort was myself, only myself. When I was a toddler, to a kid, to now.
All I have is myself.
But so much people tried to get inside, trying to break this cycle of being so lonely.
Yet I push them away.
Why do I push them away so much?
I cry and scream, begging for someone to save me from this deafening loneliness. Yet when someone comes, I push them away.
Why?
Am I scared? Scared of what?
What do I fear?
Change? Love? Betrayal? Abandonment?
There's so much things to be scared of when you're allowing someone to get inside your fragile, little bubble.
Yet all of you still continue on letting them inside, and I admire that so much.
Maybe I am scared of all those things.
The universe has given me so much options, yet I only choose the same thing, again and again and again.
Because, I fear that if I choose something different, I'll just fuck it up.
But maybe it's time for me to choose something different. Take it slow, baby steps.
I just hope I don't fuck it up.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
