Here we go. I'm in bed for 2 weeks. No proper meal. No proper thinking. A heavy heart and eyes that are barely blinking. Depressed.
It's not lover a's fault . Nor is it B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I's fault. It's just life. It brings you down and it's up to you to get up. But I don't want to. Not today
School is a recap of human history that needs to be taught in order to properly function in society. But why do I feel like the things that are being taught are one sighted and very much old fashioned and not open minded? I learn more outside school .Is school going to teach me how to work pay bills? How to become a better person? How to pray? How to work with mental issues? How to work with pressure? How to love somebody? How to cope with hate? No. I did that all by myself. I learned it all by myself. School didn't teach me anything at all. Matter of fact the put me in those situations that forced me to learn that and forced me to adjust manipulation into my daily deeds. It severely traumatized me, made me associate with humans that have such cruel intentions, made me feel like I was unheard , unhappy and like my emotions were just a cry out for attention. I dont tolerate this anymore. I don't want to go to school, pretend, coke back, learn in pain just for a grade. But I'm the one everybody has been counting on, I'm not allowed to fail. I have weight, I have bets on me. I have so much potential, but why am I still not enough? I fell so undervalued and like a burden. I feel so alone and in pain. I feel so ...... neglected.
Even though this feeling is created by my own misery. I still partially hurt by A. He ignored me for 2 days . I saw his message, did not respond and tried to move on. But it's hard. I don't get it, my heart doesn't belong to him. We aren't meant to be, but I still feel attached. I still love him. I hate that. It's childish , unnecessarily annoying.
