Til death and beyond

Self-Reproach

I kept running, unsure of where I'm going but it seemed like whoever was controlling me had a good idea about where I should go.

A few minutes later, I spotted a small group of people running. Were they also reanimations? I got closer to investigate but then I recognized someone I wasn't expecting to ever see again.

"Kimimaro?"

His white hair, those serene green eyes, the lavender clothing he wore and the bone daggers in his hands were unmistakable.

"Is that you, Anjira? You've grown since I last saw you."

The last time I saw him I was still thirteen and shorter than him. Now I was a little taller.

"I should have guessed you would also be reanimated."

"How old were you?" He asked.

"16. Just a year older than you." Or was it 17? I was not even sure.

"How did you die?"

"Uh... It's complicated." I mumbled, uncomfortable talking about it. He furrowed his brows.

"It was not because of-"

"No, not because of that. Someone completed me."

It was hard to believe I used to have feelings for him. He was a fool. Then again, Deidara was a fool too. Their beauty and charm captivated me and for some time I had believed they were angels sent to bring me salvation. In the end, they were all fools. But the biggest fool of them all was me. I had wrecked my body and soul for them.

"I see. That's a relief. Although it is sad to find out you did not live a long life, I hope you lived the few remainders of your life the way you imagined?"

I frowned. Looking back at my life, it was a complete mess. For a decade I was a test subject while dreaming of becoming a musician, had been infatuated with Kimimaro, donated my organs to him when I found out that he was sick, and for what? So that he may have the strength to go fight one last time and die in the name of Orochimaru. I have been an idiot to believe I could convince him to run away with me but instead I was left to live with only one lung and kidney and without a bunch of other shit I gave away. Afterwards I became a drunkard and harmed my single kidney even more.

Then Sasuke managed to kill Orochimaru and I ran away, only to be captured by the Akatuski for information shortly after my long wanted escape. That's when I was partnered with Deidara, a fellow artist and he set my artistic soul on fire like nobody else did. The only being in this entire universe to care about me. Inspired me, supported my music and helped me defeat my vices. He saved me from alcohol poisoning and gave me one of his kidneys, helped me get a complete set of organs, fell in love, took my virginity, got me pregnant, broke up and got back together a dozen of times, left our child at his village, got married under a solar eclipse and killed us both a few days after when he blew himself up. Fantastic.

"... Too many unexpected things happened."

"The path you choose may not always be the most predictable one."

The path I wanted to walk... I wanted to become a famous musician, be recognized for my talent and work. I sought fame, glory and self-indulgence. I thought I could achieve those things with Deidara, he too was a passionate artist, and I believed we could walk this path together. We were after the same thing, after all. We had plans of travelling the world together and showing off our artworks, but somewhere along the lines things didn't go the way they should have. I never, not once, had plans on starting a family and yet I became a mother way too young.

"Do you regret the path you chose?"

"No." He looked at his hand. "Even now in death I can feel Lord Orochimaru's chakra flow through me. He has given me another chance. I must not fail."

Even now in death he was still loyal to Orochimaru. Not surprising at all.

"Orochimaru was killed by Sasuke."

"What? No, it can't be! This is his chakra, I know it!"

"It's most probably Kabuto. Maybe he found a way to use Orochimaru's chakra to perform this jutsu."

"Why would Sasuke kill him? He was supposed to be my reincarnation." He looked defeated. "If I had a choice, I would have picked you as my reincarnation."

"What? Me as a vessel? You know I would never allow that, right? I would also try to kill him." His naivety never failed to surprise me.

"I don't understand. I've always wanted to serve Lord Orochimaru but my body was failing me. You, on the other hand, were perfectly healthy and I've envied you for it but you don't have the will. I saw great potential in you but instead you chose to sacrifice your health for me."

"It was a stupid thing of me to do, I agree. But I would still refuse to become a vessel."

"Why do you resent Lord Orochimaru so much?"

"Why? Because I was a worthless kid who did not come from a rare clan so I got the short end of the stick as a guinea pig! Everything you saw me achieve was my own effort! I made myself strong, not Orochimaru! All he did was torment me! You have no idea what he did to me! You weren't there! You were sheltered and taken care of until you got sick and decided to replace you with a better toy! That's what you failed to see!"

"And yet, you survived. Don't you think it's a sign? That it was your destiny to survive and become strong?"

I sighed and rubbed my temples. This conversation wasn't going anywhere. He just doesn't get it. Even now that we're dead, we still couldn't see eye to eye.

"Let's just stop speaking about this. We're dead anyway, we're not supposed to be talking in the first place."

He nodded.

"But if what you say is true, then I have to see it for myself. I have to speak with Kabuto."

"I have to find him too." I told him.

"Shall we go find him then? But I must warn you, if you plan to attack him and sabotage Lord Orochimaru's Jutsu, I will have to fight you. Do you understand?"

"Fine by me."

He nodded and grabbed my hand as we started running further. I felt my body restricting me again and my legs just kept moving as if they knew exactly where to go. Did we know where to go? Would it lead us to Kabuto?

I wanted to free myself from this jutsu but then a crazy idea filled my mind. What if I asked Kabuto if Deidara was also resurrected? And if not, could I ask him to reanimate him? Would it be selfish of me to call him back from the dead? No, I should not do something like that.

After what felt like running for an eternity, we reached a crater with what looks like a skeleton of a dragon or something. There were a couple of people down there but my eyes widened as I recognized him.

That long blonde hair stood out like nothing else. He was here too. He had been reanimated. I don't know whether I should be relieved or worried but I was anxious just the same.

My eyes were glued to him as we moved closer. He was talking to a red-haired guy beside him, who I assume was his former partner Sasori. I kept watching him and observed his features and he was handsome as always. He no longer wore his headband and his hair fell around him more loosely. Memories of us filled my entire being and I was conflicted as to whether I should run up to him and kiss him or punch him in the face.

As we landed at the center of the crater, he finally noticed me and his eye went wide in surprise, followed by rage as he saw me still holding Kimimaro's hand, which I had completely forgotten about. His blue eye pierced me, looking even more dangerous with the black sclera. I retracted my hand and returned the glare.

He killed me and I was not just about to forgive and forget that.