Teacher - My Desire | Jeffrey Dean Morgan (English) ✔️

[Chapter Thirty-Five]

‼️TW: there will be cursing, mentioning of sexual abuse, violence and suicidal thoughts in this chapter‼️

Blindness

I always thought it would be easy to let go of something that isn't good for you. If it's your favorite food of which you get diarrhea, the sun which gives you cancer, or a loved one who causes you pain. Not only physical, but psychological.

I loved Paul so much, that I wasn't able so see what he did to me. My brain knew it, but my heart didn't. First I felt weak and helpless, but then I felt strong and comfortable when I was with him. On his side I felt like I could do anything. Before I met him I was a little mouse, but then I became a lion.

Once I heard that love can make someone blind. My friends told me the same thing, but I didn't listen. Love did make me blind. Blind of the game he played. The game that he had won.

6 years ago.

He hit me but it felt like a small kiss to me. He hit me and it didn't hurt me. He couldn't stand to hear me say that I'd been with someone new. And when I told him I had been untrue, he hit me and it just felt like one of his sweet kisses. He hit me and I knew he loved me. If he didn't care for me, why was I able to make him mad? I was scared he wouldn't care. But then he hit me and I was glad. After that he took me in his arms with all his tenderness. And when he kissed me, he made me his.

The way he shows me I'm his and he's mine. Some might think that I've got the meanest man in the land, but his love is the best: thick and true. His kisses just lingers on my lips and it thrills me. People say I'm a fool. They tell me that he's heartless and cold. But outside of that, he's all right with me. Outside of that, he's sweet. I love him as true as stars in the sky. He beats me up but how he can love me? He blacked my eye. I couldn't see on my left eye for a few days. Then he turned around and knocked out some of my teeth.

Am I just a possession or something to play with for you? Is this sex or only violence that feeds your obsession? Does it feel good to deny? Some sort of sick satisfaction you get from mindfucking? The darkest corners of my mind are yours. That′s where you live, that's where you breathe. My body belongs to you. I belong to you.

I'm all busted up. Broken bones and nasty cuts. Accidents happen, but this time I can't get up. He comes to check on me. Making sure I'm still breathing. After all, he's the one who put me in this state. For now I'll lie around. That's all I could do sometimes. He still takes good care of me.

That was the point I started to see who he really is. A man of violence, lies and misery. He was able to change me completly. I started to ignore my friends and family. I stopped listening to them. He made think they were the wrong influence and not him. But my biggest mistake was to think he's the only who's able to love me. I was blind. Blind and stupid.

Now. ???

If I wouldn't have left him all those years ago, I might be dead today. I might have died from broken bones and blood loss. Or I would have died of thirst or hunger. From the moment I realized who he is, his hits stopped feeling good. Every time he hit or fucked me against my will, I wanted to die. With every hit he killed a part of my soul.

I had to go trough this alone. There was no one who could have helped me. No one exept me. The only thing that kept me going were the people who I pushed away. I didn't know if they would ever forgive me, but I kept saying to myself they would.

And they did.

I can't remember, or I just pushed it away, how I felt when he told me that he will leave. Did I felt happy? Relieved? I don't know, but what I know was, that I wished to never see him ever again. Unfortunately that wish didn't come true.

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Sorry for this deep chapter 🙈 but I wanted to give you some backstory about Skye 🤔

I hope you still liked it 🙈

If anyone can identify with Skye at this topic.. I'm here to help as good as possible! And don't forget: there will be always someone who will love. There will be always something to life for!

Lots of love,
your Dixon_Reedus ❤️