Dark Thoughts

Self-Love

"Self-Love
Noun
The feeling that your own happiness and wishes are important"~Oxford dictionary.

Self-Love i don't understand
I don't understand the idea
Of being able to priotize oneself
Over the many we care about
I do not get that
In a sense i don't have
fundermentals to do that
If i am injured, wouldn't self-love indicate, i should priotize my rest?
But with me it doesn't

I guess i don't even have self-love
This care for myself
So what do i have?
Self-hatred?

I hate myself
Despise myself like the plague
I'm a worthless
Gutless
Spineless
Disgusting
Weak
Terrified
Piece of shit
And that's all i see

But
I have learned to love that
Yes i am a piece of shit
Yes, i'm terrified of myself
But you aren't me
Do not
Dictate what self-love is
As if it's a given
Self-love is different
Yet not at all

It took me years to learn
That self-love is more than an idea of oneself
It's an idea of oneself and ones spirit
To give love
You must be loved
To be loved
You must accept yourself
To accept oneself
You must understand oneself
And to understand oneself
You must ask the right question

Questions of who you are?
What you are?
What you were and became?
Self-love
Is born from an understanding
Of oneself

It's always been interesting to me
How much you actually know about yourself
When you ask the correct questions

For you can ask many questions
And get many answers
Without getting the answer you wished for
You could ask
Why does red and blue make purple?
And get one answer
Or you could ask
Why does one shade of Purple look so different to different eyes?
And get the answers you would like

What is self-love?

Is it a dictated answer
Or a more opinionated and objective
Feeling of love for the self
Love for what we do
If i wrote a poem
About solitude
Would that be self-love too?
I question
I want the answer
But my mind ain't making it clearer

So i ask you
My dearest reader

What is self-love?