Chasing Cars // cl

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•you•shone•brighter•than•any•star•I'd•ever•seen•
You drove into town in your old, beaten up red four-wheel drive, the brightest burning star I'd ever seen. But then again, Murrysville had never been that interesting.

Within days, you had the whole town coiled like a silver, plain - because that's what we all were - ring around your tan little finger, ready to fall onto their knees in your presence, if you so wished.

I guess I was part of that plain, silver coil.

People said your blue eyes, so like a summers day sky, noticed everything. That you saw the lost things in corners and the lonely souls.

So maybe I shouldn't of been so surprised you saw me.

The first time I think your blue eyes were first laid on me, I was at the supermarket, a life changing location, I know.

It was late, nine at night. I was buying groceries for my family, and halfway through paying on the self-checkout, I ran out of money.

You looked over from your machine, and asked what was wrong. I couldn't believe that you had talked to me. After sputtering out my problem, you just looked at me and said, "And?"

And I didn't know what you meant.

"This shop overprices everything. It'll serve them right."

Then it clicked.

Maybe it was something about how your blue, blue eyes looked past me, and saw the lost thing hiding inside Chloe Lukasiak. Maybe it was how you confidently ran your hand through your short blonde hair.

Maybe I was just tired and feeling a little bit crazy.

But I picked up the vegetables and fruit, cancelled my payment on the self-checkout, and walked out of the shopping centre, stolen groceries in hand.

And it felt so good.

The next time, it was thundering and booming and the sky was crying.

I was sitting on the curb, seven blocks away, too exhausted and upset to bother getting up and walking home.

You drew in next to me, red car finally getting a much needed wash in the rain. Pulling me up, you asked, "Need some help?"

And oh boy, I did.

Your car was nice on the inside, and only then I realised it want just the sky that was crashing and tearing and breaking.

I was too.

You didn't ask questions. You knew I wasn't going to answer.

Instead, you handed me a towel, and I dried my hair and face, while you softly played pop music in the background, even though it didn't for the the circumstances at all.

I told you my address, and when I jumped from your car and ran into my house, you waited till I waved from the doorway, just to let you know I was alright, no matter what had happened earlier.

Later, when I sat alone at a cafe, while everyone else was with friends, you plonked down next to me, in that careless way you had.

This time we talked.

We talked for what seemed both like decades and seconds, all at once.

Then, we drove around in your old red car for a while, and everything looked slightly different. A bit more colourful.

After a while, the town started to notice the little plain ball of dust, who hung so close to the illustrious shining star that you were.

People talked to me.

After a while, I talked back.

Only because you taught me how.

Now, I think that's what you did. You went around, looking for the little lost things, and you helped them feel less lost.

We bent the rules. You made me step out of the shadows that I had cast over myself, unwind myself from the cobwebs I'd woven.

You didn't realise that after you left, every single lost thing you thought you'd saved, would go back to feeling lost.

You didn't tell me you were leaving. I just saw your old red car, swinging down the only road out of town, and I somehow knew you were never coming back.

Like a red autumn leaf, you blew away, leaving the tree so, so bare.

I think I always knew you were never going to last.

But I couldn't help myself. I searched and searched for your bright red car, for any trace of that burning star who'd unwound my shroud.

I sat by the road for days, months, years, asking, begging, if anyone had seen you or your car.

And if anyone thought they had, I would run. Run so far, so fast, without looking back. I knew if I looked back, I would see how hopeless and stupid my desperation was.

You showed me life, taught me what it felt like to live.

But I just spent it chasing cars.

•because•your•light•lit•me•up•
•and•then•
•it•burned•me•

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