The Worst Part

Second

My whole life i'v been second. Second place, second favorite, second best. And most of the time I'm fine with that, but it just gets so fucking tiring after a while. I've tried so hard to be the best at something for once, tried so hard to be at least one persons first choice. But yet, people never end up picking me in the end.

 Every. 

Single. 

Time.

I know that there has to be someone out there who relates to me. Someone else who wants to cry so bad, but doesn't in fear of breaking their mask. Someone who is surrounded by people but feels so lonely that it hurts. Someone that wonders if they would even be missed if they committed. Someone who tries so hard to please everyone else. Someone else who wants to be accepted for who they sare.

I've tried everything to try and be first for once in my live.

I've tried being popular.

I've tried sticking to the shadows.

I've tried being the person I want to be.

I've tried being entirely unique.

I've tried being like everyone else.

I've even tried being myself, and yet nothing has worked. I just want someone to recognize me for being me. Every time I get something right, no one sees me because they are too busy watching someone else. Every time I fuck something up, all eyes are on me. I've been second for as long as I can remember.

My mom? Wishes that my boyfriend was her kid instead.

My best friends? All break off into pairs, leaving me as the odd one out.

My trainer? Would rather I just give up, so she settles for slut shaming me.

My boyfriend? Spends more time with the girl he'd rather date.

The list just goes on and on. I know I'm being selfish, but is being someones first choice really so much to ask?

There are 7.7 billion people out there, and yet not one of them would choose me if it came down to it. It just gets worse and worse as I get older, as I realize what people really think of me. I guess I'm fairly well know, but I'm not your best friend or the person you'd want to date, I'm kind of just there.