Italy In The Spring [h.s]

5

Where do I go from here?

Where do we go from here?

The conversation we had was somewhat helpful, but we didn't really discuss everything. It was more of a feeling dump, not an actual conversation that's going to solve the problems between us. He told me he still loves me, and all I could do was blame him for hurting me.

But is he truly the one hurting me? Or am I just blaming it all on him when it's truly me who's causing the pain?

Question after question, and thought after thought run through my troubled mind, and I find myself questioning if all of the progress I've made over the past two years is going to do me any good. Did I even make any progress? I thought I have, but now... I'm not so sure. I know I took my time and waited before being with Timmy, and I'm definitely over Niall, but Harry.

That day I saw him in Paris, he insisted that I find someone new and move on.

"You'll always be mine, Aurora," he assures me before placing a kiss to my nose. "Remember how I told you in the note that you have my heart now?" I nod my head, having read the note every single day for six months. "That's still true. You still have my heart, Flower. You always will. I'll always be yours, and you'll always be mine."

"But you said you wanted me to move on," I counter and start twirling his hair nervously between my fingertips.

"I do. I want you to feel what it feels like to be in a healthy relationship and to be with someone who has their shit together," he sighs, briefly closing his eyes before opening them to look at me again. "I want you to at least try. Try for me. You don't have to marry them... not unless you want to."

And I did that. I found someone new. I know what it feels like to be in a happy relationship where the other person has their shit together. Timmy is a perfect example for someone who has their shit together.

But what Harry didn't foresee me doing was being able to get over him. Because how could I? How could I expect myself to get over him when he's the one who showed me what true love feels like? The only way I could truly not think about him is if I pushed him to the back of my mind, but I never truly let him go.

I knew this day was coming, and yet, I still wasn't prepared for it. I think some part of me was in denial, that I'd never see him again and I'd spend the rest of my life with Timmy. It's what I wanted... but is it what I still want? I'm telling myself that it is, that I want to be with Timmy and these feelings I still have for Harry don't matter, but fuck. This is the same shit I went through with Niall, except its ten times worse.

Because I know that I still love Harry. I never stopped being in love with him. Telling myself I've moved on from him is a lie. A blatant lie that I can't believe I convinced myself into thinking was true.

So how did I grow within these past two years? How have I changed? It's clearly not in the way I thought I had changed. Sure, I've found happiness. I've found someone new who treats me like perfection and loves me with everything in them.

So what's the missing piece?

"Auroraaaa," Timothée breaks me out of my thoughts, zoning back in and locking eyes with him as he stands in front of the bathroom mirror. "Where'd you go, baby? I need your help picking out a tie for tonight."

Tonight we're all going out to eat at a winery a few miles from the house. Liam and Louis need to do some taste testings for what type of wine they want to have at the wedding, so they insisted that everyone come to dinner with them. I'm not sure how well they thought this through, but it should be interesting nonetheless.