Story Room

Therapy

"Hey you've reached Liam, leave a message and I'll get back to you.." the machine bellowed through the silent apartment.

"Hi Liam, it's Deborah, I was reaching out to remind you of your therapy appointment today at noon," stated an older female voice over the answering machine.

He had been seeing her for therapy for a few months now, they had a decent rapport with one another. He knew she was well aware of his depressive episodes where he would go days without answering the phone or returning calls. Liam had hit one of his lowest episodes he had experienced in a while. He lost his job due to the COVID outbreak and can't find another one. He has applied for a jobs at many places but no luck. He fell behind on rent so he lost his apartment and couch surfed through friends' and family members' living rooms for a few months until he found a friend who let him stay until he gets back on his feet. Eventually he got a job working as a night watchmen at a local exhibit. Most exciting thing that happens is the occasional stray animal wandering the grounds.

"Dude, go to your appointment tomorrow," his friend stated plopping down into the armchair near the couch. Liam is now repaying his friend by letting him stay at his apartment because his friend was kicked out for reasons he had yet to tell Liam about.

Liam glanced up at his friend and pulled a green blanket over his shoulders, "You just want me out during the day. Man, I'm just so tired after working all night."

"Deb means well."

"I know she does," Liam retorted closing his eyes, trying to rest. "She also knows I work nights."

"And yes, it wouldn't hurt you to go out during the day, you look like a vampire," he friend scoffed sipping his coffee.

"Eddie, just let me be."

"Fine," his friend threw up his hands and balanced his mug in his knee. "Do what you want, it's your apartment."

Liam squinted at him as his friend wandered back into the kitchen to place the mug in the sink. "I'm heading out." Eddie re-entered the living room, "Need anything?"

"No."

"Okay," his friend pointed at him. "Coffee creamer, got it."

Once Eddie left, Liam sat up and glanced around. He debated on taking a shower, or food. He had become quite thin lately from not eating much, just enough to sustain himself. He mainly drank coffee and energy drinks to make it through his shifts. Glancing over at the clock, he noticed it was 10:30am.

"I guess I'll go," he stated to himself and sniffed his shirt and decided to at least shower.
-
"So, you decided to come in today," the elderly woman stated as Liam made himself comfortable near the window. "Anything new going on?"

"I named another stray dog this week," Liam stated mindlessly staring outside the window. He kept thinking how he hated that the sun set so early this time of year.

"With you," she responded lightly.

"I showered today."

"That's good. Have you thought about what we discussed during our last session?" Deborah asked jotting down notes on her legal pad.

Liam sharply inhaled and cupped his chin with his hand, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, "I might have."

Deborah sighed and looked at his dark orbs that seemed slightly manic, "Liam."

"Deborah."

"This isn't a game," she retorted, calling him out on a lie.

Crossing his arms, he reported, "Yes, I have. I..." He paused biting his lower lip, subtly shaking his head, "I can't."

"It will help."

Liam cut her off, "Don't."

"Visiting her burial site would..."

He cut her off again, "No."

"Liam, it'll give you closure," Deborah softly stated, jotting down notes.

"Closure... Closure?" He scoffed turning to face her.

"Yes," Deborah stated setting her pen down. "Closure."

"From what?" He asked feeling tears swelling into his eyes. "I wasn't even allowed at the funeral."

Deborah gently sighed and laced her fingers together, "Just give it some thought."

He glanced at her with exhausted eyes, then back out the window. Combing his fingers through his hair, he inhaled sharply again, "Well, what are you going to do now? Give me more meds?"

Deborah sighed, "Are you taking them?"

Liam shrugged, "Sometimes."

"They can't help if you don't take them regularly."

"I take them when I need them," Liam responded hastily. "Is the session over?"

Deborah shrugged, "Are you done?"

"Very much so," he stated standing up and put his coat on, then wrapped a scarf around his neck. "I need to go get ready for work."
-
Liam exited the building and slowly walked down the street. He never stopped thinking about visiting the grave of his mother, and he none of the thoughts lead to that giving him closure--just more questions. It doesn't help that the cemetery was on his way home. He had to walk pass it every single day.

Today felt different, he stopped at the entrance and looked inside. Hundreds of tombstones scattered through the plot of land. His heart ached seeing all of the names carved knowing those people were living and walking the earth at one point in time. He wondered which one belonged to his mother. His brown eyes scanned the stones, but he didn't see her name; he also didn't go past the gate.

"I'm sorry," his voice cracked. "I-I can't."