Mrs. Belova

Conveying

Anyone in the room could feel the tension in the air. So I knew that Yelena felt it too. I couldn't shake this thick tension off which only made the anxiety grow in me. What if she doesn't want kids? What if this makes her change her mind about our whole relationship?! What if she leaves? What if this makes her call off our wedding?!

My anxious overthinking session comes to a halt when Yelena's voice flows through my mind. "Hey! Y/n?" she asks softly and I snap my eyes towards hers. "I'm fine I just.." I begin but groan in frustration with myself, not being able to get the words out. Yelena's hand intertwines with mine and she just keeps her focus on me no matter how much of a mess I might seem. "When we went to visit your parents. Uhm... Melina mentioned having kids and all that.. And well you didn't really seem too fond of it.. So does that mean that you don't want any. kids?" I finally ask and Yelena furrows her brows letting my question sink in for a moment.

Oh fuck. Did I mess it all up? Why isn't she giving an answer?..  What if she doesn't want to be with me anymore?! God. I screwed up, didn't I?

"I mean, it's not really possible for me to have kids of my own since the red room" She mumbles and I nod "I know" I say quietly "I did want kids but I got that hysterectomy in the red room so I can't have kids like I wanted anymore. I mean... I still do want kids but uh.. When I was with Maria she kept pushing the subject away whenever I spoke about it.. She didn't want kids and she just kept telling me how I couldn't have my own children because I litteraly have no reproductive organs" she says adding a soft chuckle at the end trying to mask the creaking in her voice. She blinks a few times attempting to blink the tears away but instead they just drip down her cheeks.

I stand up and walk over to her and cup her face "We can though, I would have to carry them if we want to do it with a donor or something like that but they'd be just as much your kids as they would be mine." I assure softly wiping the tears that are  running down her cheeks with my thumbs. She offers a small smile as she leans further into one of my hands."Do you want kids soon?" she asks and I shrug "Maybe in a year or two maybe three, I want to settle into the teacher thing first" I explain and she nods "We could get a dog until then. I've always wanted one but again.. When I brought it up with Maria she was against it too, said dogs were too much like kids" she says with a heavy sigh and I smile at the thought of a puppy running around. It could be a nice way to see how Yelena and I would handle taking care of something.

I walk around to her other side and slide onto her lap "Well, you're getting married to me instead of a very boring and controlling sounding Maria for a reason. So what kind of dog would we get?" I ask and Yelena beams at me. Her smile is just something else. "I don't know why but I've always liked American Akitas" she says keeping the wide smile on her face "Akitas are very loyal family dogs so maybe it that would be the right choice if we want little ones in the future" I decide. I notice how Yelena just beams at me brightly. She really would love a dog and now it's also clear that she'd like a family with me in the future too.

Her birthday is coming up after the wedding maybe I should get her that puppy?

"By the way the students at college are very interested in you" she chuckles and I tilt my head "They are?" I ask and she nods "They asked me a bunch of questions about you today" She reveals and I chuckle. "They called poor Dawson boring" She laughs and I shake my head "Well then I'll have to prove something to them" I say and she shakes her head "I don't think so they already like it that you're not as old as him" she snickers. "I don't want to talk about college or how old Dawson is right now Lena." I sigh and she tilts her head looking at me. "Something wrong, дорогой? (darling)" she asks

I hum as I lean onto her shoulder. "We should shower." I mumble Yelena chuckles rubbing my back "I already had a shower, my love." she says and I roll my eyes. She clearly isn't getting the hint. "Я не имею в виду такой душ, детка (I don't mean that kind of shower, babe)" I make clear and she turns a bit red and clears her throat, making me chuckle. "You okay there?" I ask and she quickly nods. "У меня все отлично. Я хотел сказать, что хочу принять душ прямо сейчас. (I'm great. What I meant to say was that I'd love to take a shower right about now)" she decides sliding her hand onto my hip.

I smirk and slide off her lap and walk to the bathroom. I hear her following and closing the door behind us. She walks up behind me wrapping her arms around me, gently squeezing my hips. I hum at her touch. It's been a while since we've done more than cuddle or like make out.